


Against All Odds

by Lunedd



Series: Episode related [8]
Category: Hawaii Five-0 (2010)
Genre: Abandonment Issues, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, How to survive when half of your soul is missing, Hurt/Comfort, I couldn't let it end there, M/M, PTSD (mentioned), coda to 10x22, finale fix-it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-23
Updated: 2020-04-27
Packaged: 2021-03-01 23:55:26
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 25,079
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23805688
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lunedd/pseuds/Lunedd
Summary: It's been 1 year and 1 day (or 12 months, 52 weeks, 366 days, 8,784 hours) since Steve left.Junior and Tani were in her office, with Tani having a lively Natano on her shoulder. They were talking to a third person Danny couldn't quite see at first. He made a sidestep around Adam to get a better look and froze right in his tracks.He would always, in a million years from now, recognize that back of the head, although the hair was a bit longer than the last time he had seen him.Steve.
Relationships: Junior Reigns/Tani Rey, Lincoln Cole & Danny "Danno" Williams, Lou Grover & Danny "Danno" Williams, Steve McGarrett/Danny "Danno" Williams
Series: Episode related [8]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1005765
Comments: 55
Kudos: 288





	1. 6 months (or 26 weeks, 183 days, 4,392 hours) after Steve left

**Author's Note:**

> I dreaded the last episode. 
> 
> I really did. Not only because it would be the last new one ever, but also because the rumors about what would happen weren't too encouraging. 
> 
> I never thought I could be able to write a coda about it. That was, before I saw the episode. But when the last seconds slid over my screen, my mind went into overdrive. This was the "happy ending"? This was the finale of a show that had so high ratings for ten years? Wow. Just. Wow. 
> 
> I took the beginning of a coda I had wanted to write at the end of season 9 and never had continued after the initial scene. Now I know why: because it wasn't meant as season 9 coda, but for the finale episode. Within two weeks, this fix-it here was written. 
> 
> My muse, NatalieRyan, kept encouraging me and was as awesome as she always is. Thank you so much, babe. You know that so much wouldn't have been written if you wouldn't have pushed me! :*
> 
> The biggest THANK YOU I do owe, though, kho. You have NO idea, my dear, how much your input has improved that story, imho. Or, well... maybe you do ;) Your suggestions were gold and made the single scenes "click" perfectly. 
> 
> The result is this story.
> 
> The title and the verses from chapters 1-4 come from Phil Collin's "Against All Odds". To me, this song describes perfectly this version of Danny in my story. The verses at the beginning of chapter 5 come from the song "The Crossing (Osiyeza) and the last verses from the song "In My African Dream". Both songs were written and performed by Johnny Clegg & Savuka.
> 
> The story has 5 chapters and is finished. It will be posted every other day.

* * *

**6 months (or 26 weeks, 183 days, 4,392 hours) after Steve left**

_How can I just let you walk away_

_Just let you leave without a trace?_

_When I stand here taking every breath with you,_

_You're the only one who really knew me at all_

  
  


"Dannooo!" Charlie shot out of his room where he had been playing for the biggest part of the afternoon and early evening. He stopped in front of the couch where his father was nestled between the cushions. His head was tipped back in an awkward angle, mouth open, snoring slightly. At the voice of the boy, though, Danny's head snapped back up. For a second he stared confused at his son, then pushed his body slowly higher up on the couch, wincing when that caused a headache he had nursed all day long to flare up again. 

"Charlie!" Grace had appeared out of nowhere (at least Danny's still sleepy brain put it that way) and snatched the child. She jerked him back hard by the shoulder. Charlie wailed and flailed, windmilling with his arms, hitting Grace in that process. He hit Danny, too, who quickly bowed forward to protect his private parts that would not react well to a punch from an angry eight-year-old. "You little rat, I told you to let Danno sleep!" She hauled him back, using a grip on Charlie Danny recognized as some SEAL technique only Steve could have taught her. 

_Steve._ A wistful smile slid over Danny's face.

"But I'm hungry!" Charlie whined and squirmed in his sister's hands. "I want some pancakes and I-" 

"I said come to me when you're still hungry, what's so hard to keep that in mind?" Grace hissed back and opened the mouth to add something, but by now Danny's brain had caught up, and he cleared his throat.

"Hey, hey! Kids! It's okay, I get it! Grace, let go of your brother. Charlie, stop screaming around, I'm not deaf. And don't hit your sister. Grace, you're not his servant. I'll go and make you some sandwiches, Charlie, but no more pancakes for today. You've already had your dinner." 

Grace frowned, but obeyed, not without giving Charlie a slight push that made him tumble against the couch and into his father. "You're not his servant either, Danno. You're his Dad, and he's very well capable of making his own sandwiches, he's just lazy!"

"I'm not lazy and I don’t want sandwiches! I want pancakes! Mommy says I'm too small to make pancakes on my own, and Daddy always made pancakes when I wanted them!" Charlie's face was dark red by now, his little hands balled into fists. 

Danny blinked for a moment in shock. Charlie barely talked about the time they had lived in the Edwards’ household before they had learned he was Danny's son, not Stan's. Danny had thought they had prepared the child well for what that meant. And after Stan just left them behind more than three years ago, he had never mentioned the man he had thought was his "Daddy" again. Danny had believed Charlie had forgotten or put aside those turbulent times, and did his best to become the real Dad, knowing about the resilience of children to changing situations. Charlie had accepted him very fast; the open, affectionate nature of the boy and the trust and love Grace had for now _their_ "Danno" had done one more thing in establishing something Danny had thought until that moment was a strong father-son relationship. 

" _CHARLIE_!" Grace hollered and yanked Charlie back again, gripping him too hard and causing him to burst into tears. Danny was up in a second and separated the arguing siblings. 

"Kids! Kids! Hey! Stop it, both of you!" Danny swayed a little due to the piercing headache and the sudden change of position and put himself physically between the two. "You, Ma'am, stop yanking your brother around! He's smaller than you, and you should know better than this! You and me, we are going to talk about this later, understood? And you, Mister," he turned to Charlie, who glared up at him with a fierce glow in his blue eyes, and his hands still balled into fists. "You stop screaming around like a madman and go set up the table. I'm gonna make you some sandwiches, but that is it for tonight. You will get pancakes tomorrow for breakfast." 

Grace snorted and spun around on her heel, her long hair flowing from the brisk movement when she stomped back into her room. Charlie's face was still sinister, and his expression not so different from Grace's when he, too, turned around to walk into the dining room to do as he was ordered. 

Danny sank back on the couch when the tempest that were his children was gone and rubbed a hand over his face, feeling a bone-deep weariness. Charlie's words had hit closer to home than he wanted to admit. His first urge was to jump into the kitchen and make Charlie the best and biggest pile of pancakes to compete with Stan's, but at the same time he knew he should stick to his own set of rules he had established over the last years with both Grace and Charlie. Giving in would accomplish nothing, as much as he wanted to prove to Charlie that he was worthier than Stan. 

Slowly, Danny got up and went to the kitchen to prepare some sandwiches, but he didn't really pay attention to what his hands did. His mind was occupied with Charlie and Stan. And, yes, also with the events of the last six months since Steve had left.

There were so many things Danny wanted, _needed_ , to talk about with Steve, but Steve wasn't here.

There was the new case they were working at and where they seemed to have reached a dead end. 

There was the new guy in the team, Lincoln Cole. Lincoln wasn't new anymore, of course; he'd proven to be a valuable addition to the team, especially now that Tani was pregnant with Junior's kid. But in Danny's mind, he still was Steve's temporary replacement. With every day that passed, every night, the hope Danny harbored in his heart of Steve returning to the team, to _him_ , diminished more and more, though. And damn if that didn't hurt like hell.

 _Oh, shit. What time is it? I have to get ready and take over from Lincoln._ Danny sighed, feeling the exhaustion settle in his bones and keep him in a firm grip. They were staking out the house of the local contact of the Colombian drug cartel for the last three weeks already. A part of the drug cartel Danny had believed they had destroyed more than five years ago when he killed Marco Reyes (and yes; he still had nightmares from Matty being brought to him in a barrel). But obviously this had been as futile as chopping off Hydra's heads. The stakeout was boring as hell; these things inevitably were. But with the other two cases they were working on (burglaries in the various hospitals in Honolulu where nothing was taken but the stock of medical face masks; and the death of a lawyer who was a good friend of the Governor), they had their hands more than full. 

He slipped his shoes on, tied the laces. Grace was here for her vacation, and Danny was double glad about that fact. Rachel was once again very distant to him, metaphorically as well as physically; half a year ago, they had agreed to be "just friends," but that hadn't worked out so well after Rachel had gotten the news that he had a quickie with a woman whose name he only got to know after he caused the accident that took her life. Obviously, being "just friends" had meant for him to live the life of a hermit by Rachel's rules. At least she hadn't once again tried to take his custodial rights for Charlie away from him. Danny suspected that (the by now full-aged) Grace had had a serious talk with her mother about what that would do to her Danno, to Charlie, and even to Grace herself. He was never prouder of his girl, although he felt remorse that Grace had to have talks like that at all. 

At the moment, Rachel was in England, had joined her mother Amanda on one of her fancy new-book-advertising-tours, and literally dropped Charlie at his door the night before she left. That happened a month ago and brought Danny into serious trouble. As Head of Five-0 (transitionally, as Danny kept telling himself every day) he couldn't work half-days or just walk away from a crime scene when something happened in school. So, when Grace had stood at his door two weeks ago and simply enveloped him in one of her patented monkey super-hugs, it took a load off his mind that Grace was willing to be a kind of babysitter for her younger brother, despite all the friends she wanted to visit and sleepover at while she was here. 

Danny stepped to the small safe and punched in the well-known code without really looking at the keypad. He pulled out his service weapon in its holster and the badge and clipped both to his belt, not without checking the weapon before. He grabbed the keys of Steve's Silverado from the board next to the kitchen door and headed out. 

***

It took him half an hour to reach the destination. Parking the monster of a truck so that it wasn't too obvious was always a pain in the ass, but Danny hadn't found the energy to buy a replacement for the Camaro that had been burnt down and thus totalled by Daiyu Mei's henchmen. A normal sedan just didn't sit right with Danny and buying another Camaro? He had tried, a week after Steve had left Hawaii. Driving the Silverado meant a lot of physical pain for the not-yet-healed body of Danny, what with the extensive dimensions in that car that was clearly built for taller men than Danny was. But when he stood in front of the shiny new Camaros at the car dealer, he just _couldn_ ' _t_. 

Yes, of course: the Camaro had technically been Danny's car, Danny's property. But since most of the time Steve had driven her, at least when they were on the road together, it just felt _wrong_ to buy a new Camaro and not have Steve by his side to snatch away the keys from him before he himself had driven the Camaro for the first time. He would buy one when Steve was back, Danny had promised his battered body when he hoisted it back into the seat of the Silverado. Until then, Steve's Silverado had to be sufficient.

He wiped away the memories with an impatient motion. That was then, and this was now. He had to be clear-head and alert if he wanted to get through the coming twelve hours of stakeout. With a quick glance to his left and right, he pulled his jacket's collar high up; this late of the year and evening the winds became chilly. Just as swiftly he moved over to the darkness of the back entrance of the house they had, well, "acquired" for the time being. 

After knocking in that particular rhythm they had agreed upon, the door was unlocked from inside and opened just enough for Danny to slip through and into the house. He locked the door again, nodding at Lincoln who rubbed his eyes. "Tired?"

"Yeah, well, I'm more a man of action than of sitting around the whole day and observing a dude do boring stuff." Lincoln grinned, his white teeth blinking at Danny in the relative darkness of the living room. Danny shrugged noncommittally and sauntered over to the equipment they had built up in front of the smaller one of the two living room windows. It led to the street and was directed at the house on the other side, the object of desire. He wiped away some dust from on top of the small video camera they had installed next to the binoculars. 

Lincoln had followed him without Danny noticing it, and he barely held back a startle when Lincoln's voice was directly next to him. "You sure you're up for another night shift?"

Danny frowned. "What makes you think I'm not?"

"Oh, just saying… You've done that for the last fifteen nights already now, and are back in the office the next day with only," Lincoln hesitated while he counted, "a maximum of maybe three or four hours sleep each day?" 

Danny pressed his lips together, his focus now entirely on Lincoln. He crossed his arms before the chest. "And?"

"And." Lincoln picked up the gauntlet and shook his head slowly. "You're going to crack if you keep this regime on your body and your mind."

"Ah," Danny grinned, but there was no humor in his eyes. "Lincoln The Therapist talking again?" They had done this quite often over the past months; Danny pressing onward, moving, moving, and Lincoln trying to hold him back, stating he knew what Danny was about to try and prove to himself and the rest of the world. These arguments never ended peacefully. 

"No. Lincoln The Friend is talking. Listen, man, I know you've got Charlie at home and that Grace is taking care of him, but that boy needs his father, alright? Especially after he was left behind like that." 

"Ah, by his devoted uncle? Well, Charlie doesn't talk much about Steve, you know? He's all into football at the moment. And I _do_ spend time with my kid, _alright?!_ " The last word was meant to mock Lincoln, was meant to steer them into safer waters, so the discussion could take on the well-trodden path of their normal arguments.

But this time Lincoln didn't want to swallow the too obviously offered bait. "I was talking about Rachel." 

"Oh." Shaken out of his stupor, Danny felt each word pierce his heart like a well-placed scalpel. Maybe Lincoln was right, and he was about to crack since he hadn't seen the trap Lincoln had set up for him. And into which he stepped with a knee-jerk. 

"Fuck off, Lincoln, and go home. Your shift's over." Danny dropped his arms in defeat and turned away from Lincoln to prevent the other man to see how precisely he had hit home. 

"Just saying," Lincoln repeated into Danny's back, granting him not to lose more of his dignity he already had by forcing him to face him again. "Maybe you should take the day off, tomorrow. The cases are nothing we can't handle for 24 or 48 hours. Go take the kids to that beach I know Grace has been talking about since she came back." 

When Danny didn't answer, just stared out of the window, Lincoln took a deep breath and left. 

  
  


***

  
  


Arriving back home, Lincoln shut down the engine of his car and punched the steering wheel. Once. Twice. Hard. 

They couldn't go on much longer than this. Most of the days, it was okay at Five-0. Most likely because they usually had all hands full with cases, but overall the mood in the team was good, and Lincoln felt welcomed to their little Ohana. It would never be the same as it had been with his team back in the Army, but it came as close as it could get. And Lincoln was grateful for that second chance some higher power had granted him. 

They shared laughs. They shared tears. They shared secrets and had nice gatherings at Kamekona's truck to eat his shrimps and fight about who had to pay the bill afterward. But then, there was also the memory of Steve McGarrett still looming over them, over everything they did. Not that Lincoln would have thought that once Steve was gone, he would be _gone._ Not after leaving his footprints all over all their lives for ten years. But that it would be so difficult to step out of Steve's shadow? 

While Steve had given the extra keys of the burnt Camaro to Lincoln, he had handed his own set of keys to his house over to Danny. " _To take care of it until I come back. Don't burn it down, okay?_ " It was clear for Lincoln, and had been for everyone on the team, that Danny was the new head of Five-0. Eventually, he would move his stuff into Steve's bullpen since it was the biggest one and appropriate for the head of Five-0. But Danny didn't. He stayed stubbornly in his own bullpen and had rather let another extra one set up for Lincoln. Not a pen, not a paper on Steve's desk had been allowed to move, and especially at the beginning Danny had given hell to the cleaning crew when they had not put everything back in place after tidying the office.

"It'll pass." Tani had tried to explain to Lincoln. "Those two were so damn close that you'd think there was something going on between them. I mean — on the horizontal base. But as far as I know, they never crossed even the first base, although even strangers could see they were crazy in love. And now, Danny is in denial, because it hurts too fucking much. I can understand it. I would be the same if Junior had left me behind. But he'll get by; Danny is a realistic and no-nonsense guy. Just give him time." 

Lincoln knew Tani was right. Danny undoubtedly knew that too, deep down inside. But here they were, six months later, and Danny obviously still was in denial and hadn't moved on. Lincoln had promised Tani back then to give Danny the time he needed, but his patience was growing thinner with each day that passed. When would Danny realize that Steve wouldn't come back? How long could he push himself over the edge over and over again until he couldn't grab the ledge anymore and fell? 

They, as a team, had a responsibility toward Danny just as he had toward them, and maybe it was the "new guy's" dirty duty to break them all out of this vicious cycle. 

  
  


***

  
  


Of all the times Lincoln would have needed it in his life before, fate chose a cruel way to be on his side, he mused not even eight hours later and winced at the implied glee in that thought. He was racing to King's Medical Center, having been torn out of a fitful sleep by a phone call from Quinn: " _Danny has been assaulted and they're bringing him to King's right now. Meet me there!_ " 

It didn't take him very long to reach his destination, not at three in the morning, and he didn't bother to park properly, leaving the car occupying two spots. If the hospital bothered to call HPD because of a parking offense, they'd run his license plates and recognize who the car belonged to and leave it where it stood. _The pros of being a part of the Governor's precious task force_ , crossed Lincoln's mind as he took three steps at once, running up the stairs to the floor he knew the waiting area for the emergency surgery rooms was located. During the previous months, he'd been often enough up here; it seemed to him as if one or another of them always paid a "visit" to this section of the hospital. 

Adam and Quinn jumped to their feet when he burst through the double door and headed directly for them. "How's he?" 

Quinn pushed some wild strands of hair back from her face and sucked her lower lip in. "He's still in surgery. I have no idea what happened… I received a call from Danny after he got attacked, and they left him to bleed out… he got stabbed, and it's really bad, Lincoln. They… they're not sure he'll make it. He lost so much blood. The doctors think the knife hit his liver." 

_Damn._

Lincoln raked his fingers through his short hair. A few weeks ago, way before the triplet of cases had started consuming all their free time, he had joined those of Five-0 that loved surfing. And although Danny had loudly stated he hated it, he had cut a fine figure on the surfboard, taking the waves almost like a pro. It was the first time Lincoln had seen Danny without a shirt, and the number of scars on Danny's torso had somewhat surprised Lincoln. Danny was a civilian; even as a cop he shouldn't have been in so many fights that left prominent scars like he had. 

There was one, no, two were on the right side of his upper chest. Lincoln learned later from Tani that Danny had been shot more than two years ago when they had been right in this hospital in quarantine after having been exposed to a lethal virus. McGarrett had to cut Danny open in order to save his life, Tani had further explained.

On his left arm, Danny bore a scar from a shot wound — or rather two shot wounds. He had received one of them on the very first day he had been "recruited" to be Five-0 by McGarrett.

The most prominent scar of all was the one that went from his chest straight down to his navel. He had saved McGarrett's life three years ago by donating half of his liver, Adam had filled Lincoln in on this one, after McGarrett had been shot while flying a drug plane. 

And then, of course, the newest scar; just below his left collarbone, still red and certainly painful from when Danny had tried to escape Daiyu Mei's perps who no doubt had been ordered to kill him before McGarrett would find him.

 _McGarrett_. 

When it came to Danny, it seemed to always sum up to Steve McGarrett. Lincoln pinched the bridge of his nose. McGarrett was present even when he was far away, his life so tightly interwoven with the ones of Danny Williams and the rest of them all that Lincoln was sometimes surprised they could function without him. 

And just like the last time Danny's life had been at stake when Daiyu Mei had kidnapped and tortured the _one that meant the most in the world_ to McGarrett, the latter was involved now, too, although involuntarily. If the liver was damaged so badly by the knife wounds that it couldn't be saved, there was no McGarrett present to give Danny back what he had himself received years ago. Hell, they couldn't even make a legal decision, with McGarrett still being Danny's emergency contact. 

"Thanks, Quinn." Lincoln nodded at Quinn and pulled his phone out, scrolling through his contacts until he found the one he had not called in six months. 

"Who are you calling?" Adam stepped up to him and eyed him suspiciously. "We decided to inform Tani and Junior tomorrow, didn't want to deprive Tani of a good night's sleep. She's not been feeling too well lately, as you might know." His voice was as calm and polite as always, but Lincoln could hear the unspoken threat in it to snatch the phone out of his hands if he did so. 

Lincoln shook his head. "I'm not going to call Tani. I'll call McGarrett." He turned away, ignoring the uneasy glances the two others exchanged by the mention of that name. 

  
  


***

  
  


The sun was rising high and shone brightly through the windows of the upper floors of King's Medical Center. Lincoln stirred in the uncomfortable chair he had squeezed his tall frame into once they had transferred Danny out of surgery and into this room in ICU. They had been able to save his liver, but had to reopen the whole of the long scar from years ago to clean out all of the internal bleeding the knife had caused. A long convalescence lay ahead of Danny, the surgeon, Dr. Agron had predicted, before he had left Lincoln with the still sleeping Danny. 

Lincoln yawned and stretched, wincing against the kinks in his back and froze when his gaze wandered over Danny's face. Danny's eyes were open and locked onto him, the tip of his tongue peeking out between chapped lips, trying to moist them. Lincoln wasn't sure what he saw in his friend's eyes. Relief? Confusion? Disappointment?

"Hey, man." Lincoln smiled at him. "No, don't talk, they had to intubate you and I bet your throat is as raw as sandpaper." He leaned to the side and grabbed the cup of almost-melted ice chips a thoughtful nurse had placed on the bedside table earlier. He spooned one of the chips and carefully placed it against Danny's lips. 

Gratefulness shone in Danny's eyes now when he slowly sucked on it. He lifted a hand and clumsily tugged at the nasal cannula, only to drop the hand back to the sheets when Lincoln just raised an eyebrow. 

"What happened, Danny?" Lincoln gently asked. "Why did they attack you? How did they know you were in that house?" Sergeant Lukela had briefed him; they had found Danny in the living room of the stakeout house, the furniture damaged from a fight and Danny unconscious on the floor and about to bleed to death. He had his phone clutched in his blood-splattered hand, the call to Quinn still active, her voice frantically trying to goad Danny to stay with her. Alvarez, the person of interest they had staked out, was gone, the house wiped clean of any electrical device and paper that could have nailed him down. 

"Must've seen the Silverado," Danny whispered, voice still gone. "Must've recognized a pattern. Knocked the rhythm. Thought they'd be one of you. My own fault." He paused and closed his eyes. Lincoln thought he was asleep again, but then he opened his eyes and continued. "Should've known better. Should've left the monster at home." He coughed and grimaced. 

"Hey, listen." Lincoln cleared his throat, intending to distract Danny before he beat himself up too much about a fault he might or not might have done. "When they brought you to the ER it was touch and go, and so… Since none of us had the authorization to decide what happens when it came to the worst, I called McGarrett." 

It was as if Lincoln had given Danny a shot of adrenaline. He tore his eyes open and struggled with the sheets to push himself up higher in the bed, only to fail when that movement aggravated his newly stitched abdomen. "You did _what_?!" 

"I had to." Lincoln bid defiance to Danny's stare and set his jaw. "He's still your emergency contact, Danny." 

Danny's eyes flitted to the door as if he expected McGarrett to burst through it any moment, then back to Lincoln. And suddenly there was that expression back in them that Danny had when he woke up. This time, Lincoln was certain he recognized it. 

_Disappointment._

"He didn't come." It was a statement, not a question, Lincoln realized after a moment. He opened his mouth to answer, to find a way to tell Danny that his assumption was right, although his call had gone directly to McGarrett's mailbox, but Danny lifted his index finger. Lincoln saw how he turned his head to the side to stare out of the window and was about to get up and leave him alone for a bit when Danny started talking again. 

"Maybe you're right, Lincoln. Maybe I should take a day or two off. Maybe I should buy a new car. Move out of the house. Move… on." 

Lincoln sighed inaudibly when he heard the resignation in Danny's voice. He had done his dirty duty for the good of all. But he felt like a traitor.


	2. 1 year (or 12 months, 52 weeks, 365 days, 8,760 hours) after Steve left

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for your comments. Please know that each and every one is making my day :)

* * *

**1 year (or 12 months, 52 weeks, 365 days, 8,760 hours) after Steve left**

_How can you just walk away from me_

_When all I can do is watch you leave?_

_'Cause we've shared the laughter and the pain_

_And even shared the tears_

_You're the only one who really knew me at all_

  
  


Danny had just gotten rid of loafers and slacks and grabbed the six-pack of Longboards from the fridge to start into a lonely weekend. A bottle of Spey already sat waiting for him on his coffee table, that freakishly expensive Scottish whiskey Rachel had brought over the other day when she returned from a second tour through Europe and had taken Charlie with her instead. Grace had been visiting on and off in her various vacations, and was gone once more. He had kissed her concerned face, both hands framing it like the delicate flower it was and smiled. "I'm okay, I'll get along a few days without you, monkey," he had assured and gently shoved her toward the waiting uber. "In fact, it's nice to have the house not turned upside down for more than a few hours after I tidied it!" 

They both knew he lied. Danny Williams represented the epitome of a family man. But he also was a grown-up. He would get along, just as he said. Danny was certain that Grace knew he would kill the bottle of Spey and most likely get as shitfaced as he hadn't in years, but he had signed himself out for the weekend and placed the responsibility for Five-0 into Tani's capable hands. 

Danny sighed and scratched his belly. He popped the first Longboard open and dropped heavily on the couch, when a knock rattled the door. He rolled his eyes and shouted. "Grace-face, what did you forget this time, huh? Door's open, just come in."

***

Lou had insisted that Renee made that lasagna that was her signature food. He knew it took a hell of a time to prepare it, but one look into his begging face made her crumble. He had pulled her into his arms and kissed her. Now that he was retired, he was amazed every day anew about how much he loved that still beautiful woman, and how much she reciprocated that feeling. 

And then Danny's face popped up in his mind, the look of barely concealed betrayal and pain in those blue eyes, and Lou hugged Renee even closer. Lou was a conservative man; being a family meant for him a man, a woman, some kids. But he knew some people ticked in a different way, and that was totally okay for him. Just because it wasn't _his_ way, _his_ nature didn't mean it was wrong or less precious. And he had seen the looks Danny and Steve exchanged, from the first day on when he met them. 

That was just as pure, unconditional love as it was between Renee and him. 

The first night after Steve had gone, Lou had tried imagining a life without Renee. And failed. She belonged to him, was a part of his soul, and losing her would mean only a shell of him would remain. 

Now, Steve wasn't dead. Of course not. He even answered to those occasional calls Lou made. They never talked about Danny, though. Lou knew it wasn't his place to do so. Instead, he kept it casual, told Steve about how Samantha had graduated with summa cum laude, and how that scout of the Chicago Cubs had eyed Will that one game when he had made a tour through the states. It felt relatively easy to talk to Steve. As if he was just a few roads away, not half a continent. 

Talking to Danny, though, was a chore. The man who could throw a whole dictionary of words and sentences at you in a conversation had mostly gone silent. It was as if Steve had taken Danny's talkative side with him when he left, and Lou didn‘t like that change in his friend at all.

Danny was what Lou would be without Renee. And although Lou felt like he betrayed Danny, too, with his resignation, that helped him make up his mind. He was high in his fifties now, had the pension of his rank as Police Captain waving, plus the income Renee still had with her occasional needlework, plus what was left of the money he had put aside for the kids' colleges. 

Consequently, Lou had left Five-0. Retired. A word he never had in his vocabulary until that morning he woke up next to Renee, and knew he would be lost without her. He had done his share, more than that, actually, to keep the streets safe first in Chicago, then here in Hawaii. He had confessed against his own former best friend and cut all ties to his home in Chicago. He felt like he had the right to now finally enjoy life as it was. With his beautiful wife. In his backyard, trying to grow vines. 

Danny understood, Lou had clearly seen it in his friend's eyes. He didn't like it, but he had accepted Lou's resignation. And then something had glowed in Danny's eyes that Lou identified as jealousy. That had given him some sleepless nights the first week after he had packed up his stuff and gone home to Renee. Danny had had the chance to another life, to exactly what Lou had now, but he had given it up when they sold the restaurant to Kamekona. Danny had done it for Steve, Lou was sure about that. They had never really told why or how they had given up on that idea, but Lou was sure about it the moment he gave Danny his resignation letter. 

So now here he stood, the still-warm lasagna in his hands and a free pass of Renee in his pocket for getting drunk with his friend if it was necessary, knocking at Danny's door. Danny's shouted permittance made Lou balance the heavy gratin dish on one hand while he opened the door with the other. 

"I don't think Grace forgot something; she waved to me when her uber passed me." Lou put up a smart grin when Danny jerked around on the couch, eyes wide with surprise and embarrassment. He saw how Danny grabbled with his free hand for his discarded slacks and laughed. "No need to put pants on for me, Danny. In fact, I'm here as unofficial as it can be, plus: I bring food."

Danny leaned heavily against the couch cushions, giving an indefinite hand wave. "Lou. I was just about to enjoy the silence of the house. What can I do for you?"

 _So you leave quickly_ hung unsaid in the air, and Lou deliberately ignored it. He waltzed right up into Danny's kitchen and placed the dish on the counter, then searched for plates and cutlery. "You can help me kill this delicious lasagna that my wonderful wife made. And don't you dare to decline this offer, because you don't want to pull the Wrath of Renee on our heads." He had succeeded to find everything when Danny sauntered into the kitchen, a fresh pair of sweatpants on, hands firmly buried in the pockets.

"Lou…" Danny started, but Lou merely held up the patented no-lip-finger.

"No _Lou_ tonight, Danny. No _I'm fine_. No _I'm tired and want to go to bed_ tonight." Lou shook his head and pushed a full plate of lasagna at Danny. 

"Just you and me and the lasagna and that excellent whiskey I saw on your table. Renee doesn't expect me to come home tonight; in fact, she has invited some of her friends over to try out that new sewing pattern she found somewhere on the internet and kicked me out." That Lou was telling the story backward didn't need a mention. 

Danny stared at the plate for a long time, then finally took it and grabbed a fork. A crooked smile trailed over his face, then he nodded. "Well, you better lay some groundwork because I have to warn you, Lou. I do come from an Irish lineage. Whiskey is kind of ambrosia to us." 

  
  


***

  
  


A few days later, Danny crouched behind the stack of crates that blocked effectively the view on him and any other person that might be with him. They had spread tactically in front of the small hangar, with Junior manning a position a bit further away, sniper gun locked and ready to take out anyone who could be coming from the jungle surrounding the airfield. It was the same hangar where five years ago Steve and Danny had started that fateful drug flight, working undercover as a pilot and his mechanic. As if on cue, the new, old scar across his abdomen started to pinch. Automatically, Danny rubbed down its length, trying to soothe the irritating feeling. 

Dr. Agron had predicted a lengthy recovery from that one, what with opening up old scar tissue, removing it, literally vacuum-cleaning out all the blood that had spread in Danny's insides. Danny grinned at the memory of Joe, standing next to his hospital bed, his sandy-colored hair curling around his forehead because it was way too long, scratching his beard with one hand and performing a tidying motion with the other, as if he held a vacuum cleaner. Danny had instantly digged the bear-like surgeon who had saved his liver (and his life). Something about Dr. Joseph Agron made Danny trust him. Maybe it was the unfeigned concern he saw in Joe's green eyes or maybe it was just the fact that the man had saved his life. Danny couldn't tell, and, actually, he didn't really care. 

After that call Lincoln had made and Steve hadn't shown up, Danny had taken brutal, honest-to-the-bone stock of his life. On the plus side, there were his kids, definitely the best thing in his life, and who he hopefully hadn't screwed up too much with his life decisions so far. Also, on the plus side Danny decided to count in the people he had saved through his police work, the cases he had helped to close. On the other hand, that was his fucking job, right? Could he really count that in full-time? 

On the other side, there were his failed relationships. Rachel. Gabby. Melissa. Joanna, a woman he might have fallen in love with if he hadn't killed her. Oh, and when he already was counting on who he had gotten killed that had been close to him, he should also tick the boxes for Billy Selway, Grace Tillwell. And Matty. The thought of his baby brother, delivered to him killed and cut up to fit into a barrel, still hurt like a bitch. 

Danny tore his thoughts forcefully away from that. He had to concentrate, had to keep his head clear, or more people he loved and cared for might die today. And he wouldn't let that happen. He lifted his chin, peeking over the edge of the crate he was hiding behind and counted. Three men were in the front of the hangar, visible to him. But the infrared readings from the badass SEAL device Junior had somehow "acquired" for this case had revealed them that there were at least four, maybe even more men deeper inside the hangar. Danny looked to his right, where Lincoln was hiding behind a stack of old truck tires and held up three fingers. Lincoln held up four, indicating he saw one more from his angle of view. Danny nodded, before checking in the same way with Quinn and Adam who were hiding spread out to his left. 

Juniors calm voice in his earpiece almost made him jump. " _In position and ready to rumble_."

Danny exchanged another glance with Lincoln and waited for the other man's sign. Cole was, next to Junior, the one with the biggest experience in the field and had an almost instinctual timing when it came to the right time to strike. Danny had noticed that very early on after Lincoln had joined Five-0, and who was he that he didn't take advantage of this? 

This decision had never eroded the trust the rest of the team put into him. If at all, then it had brought him even deeper respect and trust in his leadership qualities than he (and everyone else) had thought possible. It had knit them tighter together, and Danny had started placing more responsibility on the shoulders of his team. Junior? He was great in tactical planning, and despite his young age, his eyes and mind were schooled from the rigorous training of becoming a Navy SEAL. 

Tani? Was a nerd when it came to anything that was related to technique, especially when it had to do with collecting information and data. Since she was a mother of a lively one-month-old son now, he had put her on desk duty. And ultimately decided what happened with Steve's bullpen. No, he hadn't moved into it. He had it remodeled, it now being part office, part nursery, so Tani could have her little son, Natano, with her when she was at work. Tani had been floored, and Danny glad he had found a purpose for the abandoned bullpen. Tani's former office had been transformed into an official interrogation room, for those witnesses that did not need the threat of the Blue Room. 

Quinn had proven to be a most valuable source for databases of the Army they had no access to prior to Quinn's assignment to Five-0, not even with all the contacts Steve had had. She had proven to be an excellent investigator, too, and Danny had pulled some favors at HPD to help Quinn enroll in HPD and take detective's exams in the near future. Danny valued her witty mind, and her calming attitude when interrogating scared victims or witnesses.

Adam… it had taken Danny some time to fully put his trust into Adam again, after all that had happened. After he had once made up his mind years ago and had accepted Adam into his inner circle of trust, Adam's behavior when it had come to the Yakuza about a year ago had shaken that trust immensely. Adam had accepted that and never forced himself upon Danny, which in the end helped Danny to come to terms. He was the one that Danny now knew the longest, with Adam having been there almost from the start, back when Kono and Chin had been part of the team. And yeah, maybe Danny grew old or simply was tired, but he had realized he needed Adam. He was the one he came to talk to when the nights were too long, too heavy to bear alone. 

The sound of gravel grating under a heavy boot alerted Danny and made his eyes flit back to Lincoln who had moved minutely to get Danny's attention back. Lincoln gave the "Move!" sign and jumped to his feet, knowing the others would move in sync with him. 

As if they were linked to one mutual mind, each of them rose high enough above the objects they were hiding behind to get a good shot at their targets. They had done this so often, trained it until they could do it automatically; each of them knowing exactly which target was theirs and when to shoot. 

Three shots rang out, hitting dead center. Danny didn't have to turn his head to see that Lincoln still waited for the fourth man, the one only he could see, to move forward to get his shot, and to his surprise the man reacted in exactly that way. Instead of seeking shelter, he stepped to one of the men on the ground, and then jerked when Lincoln's bullet hit him with lethal precision. Today, they would nail Alvarez down, red-handed and with no way to run from them.

_After Danny had been stabbed and was still recovering in hospital, he had taken the forced off-time to really think for the first time since Steve had left. To think for the first time since Steve had last answered his text messages about five months after he had left Hawaii. Steve told him he'd go silent for a while, no offense, but that he needed to turn his phone off for some time. Danny finally dared to let sink in what that meant to him. He was torn; one day, he was so fucking mad at Steve that he snarled at the nurses and got out of bed, did the exercises his physiotherapist had given him with too much fervor, too ruthless for his still weak body until he was near collapse._

_On other days, he felt like he was wrapped in bubble foil; everything around him seemed so far away and as if it was muted, the only feeling left was the pain and shock over Steve's departure, over Steve's silence in every cell of his body. One day, he understood why Steve had had to go and knew he hadn't left him forever; that it all was just a temporary thing; on others, he was so desperate that his chest constricted at the thought of leaving the hospital and no Camaro would be sitting on the curb outside, no Steve would lean against her shiny hull, ridiculously long legs and arms crossed and still so much taller than Danny was in that relaxed position._

_He recognized the signs, knew them all too well. But it couldn't be, right? Yes, he had made some experiments way back in high school, in college, but then he had joined NJPD and Rachel had come along, and he hadn't thought anymore of his curiosity about another male's body._

_No. Nope. Not happening. It couldn't be. Because that would mean he had been in love with Steve and he had sworn to himself that he wouldn't allow any person to get as close to his heart again after the disaster his marriage to Rachel had been. He had sworn it once more after they found Matty dead. Because Matty’s death meant he had not merely lost a brother, but also the anchor that kept him attached to the world if someone hurt him as much as Rachel had done. And yet, there he was, lying in a hospital and his heart was aching for the love of the one person it was not allowed to have. Because Steve was not… he wasn't, right? Sure, he had made heart eyes at him, had cuddled with him, had always pressed one or another part of his body against him when they gathered around the Table, but that hadn't meant what his heart was now trying to convince him of, right?_

_After all, Steve had left with Catherine. Lincoln had told him that a day or two after he woke up after surgery, in a non-committal voice, but with the air of certainty around him that he had done what Steve had wanted. When Danny had just stared at him in disbelief, Lincoln had told him about the conversation he had had with Steve just a few minutes before the shit hit the fan with Daiyu Mei._

" _Area is still clear_." Junior's focused voice gave the sign for them to move forward to the entrance of the hangar. They spread out further, running in a crouched gait, heading for the relative protection of the sides of the hangar. Danny saw from the corner of his eye how first Adam reached his destination, then Quinn. Again, he didn't have to look for Lincoln. It was almost surreal how skilled the man was in these guerrilla tactics, and a wild grin graced Danny's face. 

Tonight, they would celebrate with some Longboards by the beach behind Steve's house, the dying fire on the grill emanating enough heat that they would be comfortable without the additional protection of a jacket. Well, except for Tani, maybe. Danny planned to break them the news he'd be moving out of Steve's house. He had stayed there long enough by now, hoping for something that just wouldn't happen. He had contacted Mary some days ago, told her his decision, talked with her about the trustworthy caretaker (a cousin of Kamekona) he would hire in her name as she was Steve's closest relative and owned half of the house, after all. 

She had been flabbergasted, and succeeded to sound at the same time incredulous and understanding. And suddenly had changed the subject and asked in that cheeky voice of hers about that "new guy in his life," trying to bring back some normalcy, some of the old banter, back when the world had been alright. Her curiosity made Danny laugh out loud and he told her he would have to have a serious talk with Tani about discretion and spreading rumors before he ended the call, feeling way better after that difficult conversation than he had expected. 

The _new guy_. There was no new guy in Danny's life, at least not the way Mary obviously believed. And he knew she hadn't meant Lincoln, who was on the road to come to be a good friend, but nothing more. Mary's easy assumptions that her brother had been the guy in Danny's life before threw him off the track a bit, honestly. But he took a deep breath when he stowed the phone back into his pants pocket and pushed down the thoughts about Steve that quelled ferociously back up. Instead, he concentrated on the person Mary had meant. 

_Joe Agron was more than the surgeon that saved his life by now. It had started with Joe checking in with him after his release from the hospital more often, more thorough than any other doctor had ever taken interest in his recuperation before. At the start, it had been a pain in the ass that Joe had inquired literally every other day how he was feeling, how the stitches looked like, and had even blackmailed him into coming to the hospital for "after-surgery-check-ups" once per week. No show, no go._

_And then Joe began to turn up in the bar Danny used to go some evenings when he just needed some time alone, without his kids, his friends from the task force, a break from his life in general. Initially, he had simply stayed next to Danny on a barstool, sipping on a Longboard in silence, the only words exchanged between them a "Hi" and a "Bye". This had become sort of a new routine, one that Danny only recognized after a few weeks. He never told Joe when he would choose to go to the bar; Joe never asked when he would be there. He just seemed to know. Or maybe, Danny had thought one night when he was moving restlessly in his bed, unable to sleep, Joe was there every night and hoped Danny would show up. It had put a smile on Danny's face._

  
  


" _I can see two. Coming at you now. Danny, Adam."_ Again, Junior's focused voice cut through Danny's thoughts and he gripped his weapon harder. He didn't know when that had become a routine, but Junior's calling those by name who would most likely have the best shot had come in handy more than once to move efficiently. He threw a glance over to Adam, could barely make out the expression on the other man's face. Damn. Maybe Grace was right and he needed glasses.

  
  


_"You must be getting old," Joe protested and reached out with the hand that held the Longboard, pointing the neck of the bottle toward the small screen of the TV high above the counter. "You need glasses, huh? That was tripping, clear as day!"_

_Danny shook his head, laughing. "No, no, no. Why is it his fault when the other guy is unable to skate?" He, too, pointed at the screen where a hockey game was running._

_"I think you need to come for a check-up tomorrow to my office." Joe grinned at Danny and put the Longboard back on the counter. Danny cocked his head. "It seems your eyes are no longer fit to do the job. Maybe I should clear you only for desk duty."_

_Danny made a face. "And that would put me directly next to Tani who is going to make my life miserable, because she's insisting she's just pregnant, not an invalid."_

_Joe took a deep breath. "Yeah, maybe she would. But she knows herself her pregnancy is not an easy one and that she should take it easy, for her own sake as well as the baby's. Just like you should, maybe." Joe's voice had softened, and Danny blinked surprised at the intensity of Joe's gaze._

_"I'm not pregnant," Danny replied and sipped from his bottle, still feeling Joe's eyes on his face, on his lips and tongue as he pushed it a bit into the opening of the bottle._

_"No, you're not. But you are pushing yourself too far, Danny."_

_"Oh." Danny placed the bottle down with a loud "clank". "This is what this is about? Huh? Did Lincoln send you to be my keeper?" He was about to rise from the stool and threw some bills on the counter for his drinks, but Joe put his hand on his arm. The warmth of the other man's hand was seeping through the thin fabric of Danny's shirt, and the touch of another person that was not one of his children felt so good that Danny froze. He stared down at the hand and suddenly felt an ache deep down his heart that made his throat close up._

_"I have to go."_

  
  


The perp Adam had taken into his crosshair jerked and fell to the ground when he shot him, and Danny heard Lincoln's worried voice over his earpiece when he didn't shoot, too. He pressed his lips together and fired, one, two shots, but only graced the guy who had been alarmed and now ran back into the relative darkness of the hangar. "Damn it." Danny cursed and rose, ready to run in. He had to take out the guy before he alerted the remaining men and gave them a chance to escape through the back doors. If the mission was a fail now, it would be his fault, and he would set it right. 

And then he saw how Lincoln moved, rigor in each of his motions, and made a decision. He lowered the weapon. "Negative, Lincoln. Don't go in. I repeat: don't go! We're not doing this without backup, remember? HPD is too far out. We're not doing this the one-man-way." Danny took the safety catch back on and saw how Lincoln did the same, looking at him with a tiny bit of disappointment, but much more comprehension. A curt nod and Danny blew out a breath. 

" _I can see Alvarez and another man coming out of the rear. No shot possible."_ Junior sounded as if he already moved, and the telltale "clicks" Danny could hear told him he was packing away the heavy sniper gun. 

"Doesn't matter. You got that special shot before, right?" Danny turned and looked up the small steep on one side of the hangar, where Junior was hidden. 

" _Yes, sir. The tracker is in place on Alvarez's car._ " 

"Well, then. Tell HPD where they're heading to." Danny nodded at Quinn who pulled out her phone. 

***

The chase didn't take long; there would be some spectacular pictures in the news shows that evening, though, but Danny didn't care about that very much. No one of his team had been injured this day, or even worse, been killed, and Alvarez was left to stew in his own juice for a while down in the basement of Iolani Palace. 

Tani joined Danny when he went to the small kitchen to get some coffee. "Hey, what's it with all those cardboard boxes Joe dropped in your office some hours earlier?" 

Danny continued to pour coffee into his cup and was proud that he succeeded without spilling a single drop at Tani's words. "Mhmmm?" He turned around to face her, sipping from the coffee after adding a gracious amount of sugar. 

"The boxes. Joe. Your office. Is there something you have to tell me — _us_ — Danny?" 

There was something in her voice that all of a sudden made alarm bells ring in Danny's mind. "Oh. No, no, no, Tani. _No_." He put a hand on her shoulder and guided her back past the Tech Table, steered her to her office. "We should talk in there," he nodded toward it. "Before Nate is trying to escape again." He was the only one who was allowed to call Little Natano this way; Junior had been skeptical at first, but Tani had liked it. 

Danny waited till Tani had closed the door, fetched Natano and settled on the couch with the baby, rocking him automatically. Danny leaned against the desk and took another sip from his coffee, smiling at Tani and her son. 

"Well. You definitely don't want me to put Natano aside again and torture you to give me the answer, right?" Tani's determined voice cut through Danny's thoughts of the times Grace had been that small and how he had held her like that for hours, marveling about how perfect she had been. 

"I can absolutely see that happen, so I bow in the face of violence and just… I'm not leaving. Tani. I won't leave the task force or anyone of you." He must have hit dead center, because Tani instantly relaxed. "Hawaii is my home now, I guess." He smiled, the smile coming out a little bitter, but he knew he didn't have to pretend around Tani. "I wanted to tell all of you tonight, after some beers and burgers, but… Oh, well. I'm moving back to my own house, Tani."

"You. _WHAT_?!" Natano began to squirm in her arms, his little face scrunching up as only babies could do, alerted by her shout. She quickly rocked him again, gave him a soothing kiss on his head. "I mean, I — _why_?" 

"Because I," Danny had to swallow against the lump in his throat. "Because I finally realized that this is not how it works. And even as Head of Five-0," he gave Tani another smile, a crooked one this time, "the money is not that sumptuous that I can afford to pay the rent for a house I don't live in. Besides all this, Grace called yesterday and told me that she plans on switching to the University of Hawaii. She misses Hawaii. _Home_ . And all of you guys." He smiled, and, as always when he was thinking of his little girl that wasn't _that_ little anymore, it was a fond smile that seemed to light up his whole face. 

"I know she didn't tell me the full truth, and know she didn't even try to hide the fact that she wants to help me with Charlie since his mother is about to leave again for one of Amanda's tours. Seems meeting Steve catapulted Amanda to start writing a new novel series where she spits out one book after the other about the _Black Knight_." Danny sighed, the sting of how Amanda had treated him like a doormat on her short visit still present. Not even her apologizing words later had helped to quench the feelings that he never had been enough for her precious girl, that he was the only one who had made mistakes that caused their marriage to fail. A marriage Amanda had been against from the very start. 

"Danny?" Tani's gentle voice shook him out of his thoughts, and he was surprised to feel the sting of real tears in his eyes. He blinked quickly, cleared his throat. Surely, by now he should be over this and stop pitying himself. He had gotten not only the worst, but also the best he could out of his relationship with Rachel. Grace and Charlie. Nothing else counted now, right? 

"Yeah, well. I think I have lived long enough in the past." Danny pulled himself up on the desk now, feet dangling in the air, until he crossed them at the ankles. "I decided to start living for today, for the future, again. And that means that I have to leave that… Steve's… house."

It wouldn't be fair to Joe to make him come to the house of another guy, Danny had finally realized. 

  
  


_Joe and he were sitting next to each other in their usual spots in the bar, joking, bantering, until Joe had taken Danny's hand and made him turn to him, face him. "Life is sometimes making us go strange ways," he had started, and Danny had suddenly felt queasy. "Who knew that when my 12-year-old former self watched that accident happen, that I would really become a surgeon as I swore myself back then? To help people? And who would have known that it would make me move around the country, from hospital to hospital, to try and get the best in my field? That it would cast me up here, in Hawaii? The most beautiful place in the world, not only because of the stunning nature, but also the beautiful souls of the people living here?"_

_Danny tried to pry his hand away, but Joe's grip tightened without hurting._

_"Danny, look, I know you don't swing completely that way, and I'm sure you never thought of having, uh, this… this kind of conversation, not with a_ man _. But I," Joe lowered his voice and bowed forward, away from the other bar guests. "But I am here if you want to… to…"_

_Danny shot up from his chair at that, finally freeing his hand from Joe's and heading for the exit. When he noticed that Joe didn't follow him, he turned and crooked a finger at him. Joe's face lit up, and he pushed some bills at the barkeeper, before he followed Danny into the warm darkness of Hawaii's night._

_A hand shot out and pulled Joe around the corner, where the backdoor was casting a dim light into the alley. Danny released him and stared at him with a strange expression in his eyes, chest heaving as if he had run a marathon. Joe smiled uneasily. "You… you want to beat me up now because I'm a fag and was about to molest you?"_

_The wild expression in Danny's eyes disappeared, giving way to confusion. "Wha-no! I just wanted to, I wanted…" He licked his lips, tension written in each of his motions. "When Steve left, I felt so… so empty. Stupid. I regretted, and still do regret that I didn't tell him and didn't do so many things, out of fear of refusal, and look where I am now?" He held out a hand when he saw how Joe's face darkened and started to close up. "I don't want to feel regret anymore, Joe. I don't want to feel as if I missed out on something again. I want to… I want to live in the moment, with the option to make that moment my future. Our future, perhaps."_

_Joe's face was still wary when Danny took his hand now, pulling the way taller man closer to himself. "I like you, Joe, I like you very much in fact, and yes, I want to… to…" He paused, searching for words. "I am just not sure how ready I am and how… how far I can take this, you know? And I want you to know that, because you're such a... such a great guy, you deserve the truth…" His voice faded, and then Joe moved forward, gently pressing his lips against those of Danny. He didn't shy away from the touch, and, after a long second, the tension seemed to bleed out of Danny's rigid body, and he allowed Joe to pull him into a light embrace._

_When they broke for air, Danny took a deep breath. "Would you go back in and order a strong whiskey for me? I think I need that now." He smiled at Joe. "There's just one thing I have to do before I join you."_

_He waited until Joe had gone before he pulled out his phone and texted to a number he hadn't sent a message in months._

_'_ **_Even if you won't read this one just like you didn't read the others, I feel the obligation to inform you that I will be moving out of your house. It'll be taken care of, don't worry'_ ** _._


	3. 1 year and 1 day (or 12 months, 52 weeks, 366 days, 8,784 hours) after Steve left

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again, thank you all so much for kudos, comments and reading it at all. :)

* * *

**1 year and 1 day (or 12 months, 52 weeks, 366 days, 8,784 hours) after Steve left**

_Take a look at me now_

_Well there's just an empty space_

_And you coming back to me is against the odds_

_And that's what I've got to face_

  
  


Danny leaned casually against the brick-built wall that the special interrogation room was made of, deep down in the basement of Iolani Palace, reserved exclusively for the Task Force of the Governor, Five-0. He was chewing on a toothpick, arms crossed nonchalantly before his chest, and looked apparently relaxed at the man currently cuffed to the metal chair in the middle of the room.

Alvarez had been brought down here some hours earlier after a not-so-restful night in the cells of HPD. If a word Danny might have dropped at Duke en passant (while his men had brought Alvarez to his cell the day before after a nice round of interrogation) might have to do with the constant nightly "check-ups" on their captive to make sure he "was still okay," well, then, no lawyer would have a point of vantage in this very correct police procedure. The same lawyer who, at the moment, was being lectured upstairs by an elderly officer that, even if he wanted to get to his client very fast, speeding still was a traffic offense. And a serious one in fact.

Danny knew this bought him around another half hour alone with Alvarez because he knew how serious Officer Henderson took his job. It came in handy now that so many years ago Danny and Five-0 had found out not his former partner Meka but Kaleo had been the dirty cop among the officers of HPD. That had made him finally earn the respect the others hadn't shown the angry, fierce _haole_ before and even made him some friends. Like exhaustively thorough Officer Jim Henderson. 

"You have nothing to hold me here," Alvarez rattled with his cuffs, an arrogant smile on his face. Dark bags were showing under his eyes, and his normally neatly slicked-back black hair was greasy and tousled from a bad night's sleep and not enough time at the small sink in his cell. "You're holding me here against the law, and you know that. Besides: where is my lawyer, heh? After you finally let me make my call last night, he should be here by now!" His accent was heavier than usual, certainly a sign of sleep-deprivation.

Danny pursed his lips and shrugged. "I have no idea, Carlos. But what I do have an idea about is that you are a dear cousin of a cousin of Inocencio Reyes, who happens to be a brother of the late Marco Reyes. Inocencio is the new head of the Reyes-Cartel, and you are trying to establish an outpost for said Cartel, but I won't let that happen."

"Pah," Alvarez spit out and leaned back, crossed his legs. "You have no proof, pig. None at all. Even if I happen to be that Carlos Alvarez who could be a cousin of a cousin to one of the Reyes… and even if I happen to be guilty of what you accused me of just now… The Reyes family is a big and very respected one in Colombia. Marco might have been killed, but his sons were taken under Inocencio's wings and are going to be two great men." 

Danny accepted that with a slight nod, lips pursed further. Alvarez had just confirmed his biggest nightmare, one that had left him sleepless since he had killed Marco Reyes. He had known Reyes had sons. But his quarrel had been with Reyes and Reyes only; Danny wasn't the man who could kill innocent children. 

But after Jerry had been shot down by that crazy widow of a man Steve killed a long time ago on a mission, with her son right next to her, the possibility of Reyes' sons (who should by now be of full age) coming after him just the same was the reason why Danny had tried to catch and convict Alvarez so fervently. He was an important piece of the puzzle that would bring the Reyes-Cartel down, once and for all. It wasn't just Five-0 that worked on that case; other crime-fighting units were on board, too, even the Colombians were working with them, after the daughter of a high-ranking Colombian statesman had died of blended drugs sold by the Reyes-Cartel. 

"By the way, Detective, I heard you are afraid of… knives?" Alvarez’s dark eyes roamed over Danny as if he tried to see through Danny's clothes to find the scars the attack half a year ago had left on Danny's body.

Danny tensed minutely. HPD had never found out who had really stabbed Danny down during the stakeout that night after Lincoln had gone home, but if he could get Alvarez to confess to that, they had him. An idea blossomed at the back of his mind, and Danny started to smile. "Ah, well." He shrugged and pushed himself off the wall to saunter over to Alvarez. 

Alvarez leaned away from him, wariness all over his face. "What are you-" He started, but Danny just pulled the key to the cuffs out of his pants pocket and opened the locks around left Alvarez' wrist. 

"Relax, I'm just releasing you," Danny grunted and fought for a second with the lock on Alvarez’s right hand. The small black notebook he had in the chest pocket of his button-down slipped forward and fell to the ground. Danny finally succeeded to open the cuff and stepped back with a groan. 

"You're right, you know," Danny said with a reluctant tone in his voice. "You're free to go, Carlos. I'm sure you'll understand this all was just a big misunderstanding." He beamed at Alvarez, then seemed to realize he had dropped his notebook and gestured to where it laid next to Alvarez' right foot. "If you wouldn't mind… Ever since I got stabbed on duty, I have problems getting down." 

Alvarez, who had risen to his feet and had been about to whisk out, sneered and turned around, grabbed the notebook and tossed it at Danny as he went past him. "There you go. Maybe you should consider retirement, Detective." 

Danny caught the notebook, a CSU glove in hand he had pulled out as soon as Alvarez turned his back to him as not to touch it directly. Alvarez frowned. "Yeah, maybe I should, Carlos. But not before I brought this up to CSU and have it processed. You know," Danny said as he carefully pushed the notebook into a plastic bag he also had stowed in his pants pockets before he had come down for the interrogation. "That night I was attacked and stabbed; the perp made two big mistakes." He counted with his free hand. "To begin with, they didn't kill me right on the spot. And everyone who knows me knows I'm a Jersey boy. We never give in before a case is closed. And second, the perp touched my badge when they pushed away from my bleeding body to rise to their feet. And left some nice fingerprints on it." He grinned and motioned at the small camera lens high above their heads, to indicate the officer watching them to push the button that released the lock of the door. 

"You're free to go, Carlos," he repeated. "But keep in mind that you will only get as far as to the door, because HPD will arrest you before you set one foot over the threshold. You're under suspicion of assaulting a police officer." Danny smiled broadly now. "And also for importing drugs to United States soil. You left your fingerprints all over the cocaine packs that were in that hangar six months ago. Which, by the way just so happened to match that fingerprint on my badge. And now," Danny shook the plastic bag with the notebook inside slightly, "Now we can prove it."

***

There was a swagger in his step he hadn't had for a very long time as Danny came back from talking to Eric and making him identify the fingerprints on his notebook top priority. He pushed the glass door open that led to the Five-0 headquarters and walked toward the Tech Table to announce the good news of finally having pinned Alvarez down, when he noticed the uneasy faces of Quinn and Adam who had gathered around the table, staring at Tani's office. "What's going on?" Danny asked, looking their way. Lincoln, standing next to them with a wary look, gnawed his lip.

Junior and Tani were in her office, with Tani having a lively Natano on her shoulder. They were talking to a third person Danny couldn't quite see at first. He made a sidestep around Adam to get a better look and froze right in his tracks. 

He would always, in a million years from now, recognize that back of the head, although the hair was a bit longer than the last time he had seen him.

_Steve._

As if Steve had sensed Danny's presence, he now turned around and instinctively locked eyes with him. His face lit up, and he made a step toward the door, but Tani put a hand on his arm and said something to him that caused him to hesitate. 

"Danny? You okay?" Adam's worried voice barely pushed through the white noise that had suddenly filled Danny's mind. Danny nodded, tried to say a simple "Yes" to Adam, but as soon as he opened his mouth, it was as if all breath was sucked out of him. He tried pulling in some air, but only succeeded to empty his lungs further, muscles bunching up as if he had been sucker-punched. When his legs gave way, Danny grabbed for the Tech Table, but Adam was faster and caught him before he could hit the ground hard. 

The door to Tani's office was torn open and Danny could hear footsteps coming toward them, not really registering them when his lungs still refused to cooperate. "It's a panic attack," he heard an all too familiar voice say, close, very close, causing his lungs to shut up even further. 

"We know." Tani's clipped, stressed sounding voice speared through the white noise, her hand rubbing up and down his arm, but he could barely feel that. There was a shuffling of feet, then Tani's voice again. "Breathe, Danny, breathe!" A brown paper bag with Kamekona's smiling face was pushed against his face, covering his mouth and inflated and deflated with every puff of air he obviously succeeded to pull into his starving lungs, although he couldn't feel the oxygen flooding his system. His eyes were glued on Steve, who had retreated a few steps, making way for Tani who was pressing her thigh against his arm and held the paper bag. 

"Linc, get his inhaler, please! Steve, step aside further, until he can't see you anymore." Tani's voice left no room for discussions, and Danny felt how something inside of him relaxed when she took control so easily. The paper bag now inflated and deflated slower, his muscles slacking off one by one. Danny was becoming aware again of his surroundings. He was laying on the floor, head cushioned in Adam's lap, the other man's fingers softly caressing his temples. Quinn and Junior had given them — him — room to literally breathe and had stepped aside, barely visible in his periphery. Natano was moving restlessly in his father's arms, clearly trying to get his mother's attention back that was still focused on Danny. "That's it, Danny, slow, deep breaths. It's okay, everything is okay." The sound of her voice soothed Danny's stressed mind, lulled him into solely concentrating on his breathing. In. Out. In. Out. The white noise retreated into the back of his mind.

"Here." Lincoln's deep voice joined Tani's, and something was put gently into Danny's right hand. He grabbed the device, feeling the familiar shape of his inhaler, and when Tani pulled the paper bag aside, he brought it to his lips and pulled sharply on it, once, twice. The agent in the small device puffed down his throat, and he could feel how the sting in his lungs instantly waned. 

He took two more experimental breaths, and when he could feel how the stream of air filled his lungs, he nodded at Tani. "Thanks." He climbed to his feet, despite Adam's attempt to keep him sitting for a moment longer to catch his breath, then straightened his crumbled button-down. Danny could feel Tani's wary eyes on him when he leaned back against the Tech Table and took a second look at Steve.

Steve was standing in a spot several feet away from him, hands clenching and unclenching, feet set apart as if he was ready to storm a stronghold. He had a shocked expression on his face, so very different from the one when he had first seen Danny. His eyes were wide open, and he licked his lips, now that Danny was looking at him. "Hey, buddy," he said, finally, his voice as insecure as Danny had never heard it before. 

  
  


***

  
  


"So." Steve cleared his throat, that unfamiliar insecurity still coloring his voice. "You gave my office to Tani." He tried a lopsided grin, but when Danny didn't react, it abruptly disappeared from his face. 

They were sitting in Danny's office, with Danny's massive desk between them like a defense line. Steve was sitting ramrod straight on the visitor's chair, while Danny sat in his own, leaning heavily against the flexible back of his swivel chair, minutely moving it left to right, right to left. 

"It's," Steve cleared his throat again, and Danny gestured at the untouched glass of water Tani had brought him when they retreated into Danny's office. Steve gratefully grabbed it and downed it in a few, long gulps. "It's almost as in your dreams, huh? Tani, sitting in the Head of Five-0's office." When Danny still just stared at Steve, he elaborated further. "You, you remember that dream, right? When you were shot in the hospital, and you dreamt of Tani being Head if Five-0 after we retired…?"

"You have no right to talk about my dreams." Danny stopped the motion of his chair and leaned forward, putting his forearms on the desk. His fingers were playing with the inhaler, absentmindedly. 

Steve stared at him for a very long moment, clearly gathering his thoughts. His face closed up, and he put the glass back on the desk. "You're right." He got to his feet with the same grace in one fluid motion that used to give Danny very vivid and very indecent dreams. He turned to the door, but before he could leave, Danny took a deep breath. 

"Why are you here?"

Steve paused, one hand on the door handle. "Because of you."

The intensity in Steve's hazel eyes almost broke Danny's determination. He had stopped counting how many times in the past year he had wished to see it again, to have it directed at him again. But then Steve's words seeped into his mind, and Danny's heart turned to ice. "Uh-huh. You mean, because of the message I sent you."

There was confusion in Steve's eyes for the split of a second. "That's what I just said, didn't I?"

Danny snorted. "No, you didn't. And come on. You're reacting to a message from me for like, the first time in _months_ by appearing out of the blue and have the guts to tell me you came back because of _me_?"

Steve's eyes flitted to the door, and then back to Danny. He seemed to reach a decision when he turned his back to the door, facing Danny. "Yes." He merely stated, and again Danny could feel his determination crumble. Every fiber of his body screamed at him to just move forward and hug Steve, cling to him like the lifeline he had been for ten years. But still… the sting of Steve leaving him, barely out of the hospital after Daiyu Mei's perps almost killed him, didn't dissipate. 

"Sorry if I can't believe you." Danny rose to his feet, the desk still between them. "Because I'm pretty sure you're not here because of _me_. Isn't it rather that you're here because you couldn't stand the thought that I might do something you can't control any longer? That I wouldn't stay in your house like an obedient Navy SEAL wife waiting patiently until her husband comes back from a deployment, all children ready, washed and dressed for Daddy's parade?!" 

Steve widened his stance and crossed his arms before his chest. He pushed his chin forward defiantly, obviously ready for an attack. "I guess I deserve that." He said. Something in his voice made Danny shake his head. 

"Don't you ever pull the _I carry the guilt of the world on my shoulders_ shit on me, Steve." He continued, a gentle, fond tone in his voice. "You deserve everything good the world can offer, Steve. You are… you're the best man I know. But… but you can't just show up here, one year and one day after you left — Hawaii, Five-0, and _me_. And expect us to fall back into the old trot at the snap of a finger." 

Steve's posture softened as the tension he had built up in his body in expectation of a fight just bled away. "I don't expect anything from anyone. Less from myself. That's one of the things I've learned in this past year."

"Uh-huh." Danny couldn't hold the snark back, not when Steve so easily wiped away all his defenses, all his anger. He wanted Steve to feel the pain he had felt when Steve left. And yeah, maybe it wasn't fair. Maybe he should be a greater man. But Danny was tired, so exhausted from that short dispute already, that he didn't really care anymore. Not at the moment, at least. "And Cath was a big help there, from what I heard?"

That caught Steve off-guard, and Danny regretted his words instantly when he saw the raw pain in Steve's eyes. "I… I am sorry, I…"

"No." Steve interrupted Danny and made a step forward, one hand stretched out as if he wanted to physically make Danny stop. "Another thing I deserve, I guess. And yes, I _do_ deserve it, Danny, without putting any guilt on my shoulders. Cole told you about Cath, right?"

When Danny just stared back, he continued. "Lincoln was with me when you called that you were being tailed by Daiyu Mei's men, just before they took you." Remembering that, Steve's body seemed to radiate off the pain and desperation he had felt that day, even a whole year later. "We were talking, he told me about the person that could encode Doris' cipher. Catherine. We talked about Cath, about how she and I were never meant to be, and Lincoln must've misunderstood me. 

"Cath showed up in the plane, yes. But I didn't know that she was coming nor that she was even in Hawaii, Danny! We didn't have contact before that since Joe died. She was — is — history to me, Danny. We had a long time on that flight and talked. Lincoln had clearly woken wrong expectations in her, but I set that right. I told her that although she might always be a friend to me, there is no _us, together_. She understood. And parted ways with me as soon as we got off the plane."

"And you never thought to tell me that in one of your messages?" Danny couldn't hold back the sadness coloring his words. 

Steve made another step toward him until he stood directly in front of the desk. "I could say now that you never asked, but that would be nit-picking. Yes, I never told you that, because her being there was never important to me. Not important enough at least to mention her when texting you. I know you were having problems with her about how she left me. And I didn't want that to hang like a dark shadow over our messages. Because… because I realized there's only one person that important to me."

Danny blinked. He understood who that _important person_ was for Steve, but he didn't want to hear it. Not now. Not when one year and one day had passed in which he had come to believe that wasn't true anymore. 

"I've found a reliable caretaker for your house." Danny finally changed the subject, away from the thin ice they were heading to. He simply wasn't ready for this. Yet. "It's a cousin of Kamekona, and Mary was okay with him. She said, she wanted to visit in a few weeks, maybe." He smiled. "Bring Joanie with her." 

"Oh." Steve's face lit up when Danny mentioned his sister and niece, then became contemplative. "That means we'll have to clear up the room that was my mom's laundry room, so they don't have to take a hotel room. You think Joanie is still at an age where she's okay with sharing a room with her mom for a few nights?"

Danny frowned, then leaned forward and motioned at the folded card boxes leaning against one wall in his office. "Why? There will be plenty of room for you and your family in the house."

Steve's face fell. "You… you are serious. You really want to leave."

Danny pressed his lips together until they were a mere thin line. "I am _not_ leaving. I just go back to my own house. As it should be, as it should have been a long time ago. Would've spared me a lot of…" He didn't finish the sentence, instead rubbed with both hands over his face. He couldn't do it. He just _couldn't._

"You can stay as long as you want to," Steve repeated the words he had told Danny a lifetime ago. "Junior lives with Tani, and… the house is big enough…"

"What for, Steve. Huh? What for? Because you can't stand the thought to be alone in the house? To be your come-to when no one else is around? When a date doesn't go as planned? When you remember that I'm actually here, a living, breathing person? No, Steve, no. During the last ten years, I thought I could do this, that this would be enough for me, as long as you and I…" He broke off with a choking sound and jumped to his feet. He dashed past Steve, evaded the hand Steve reached out for him, and grabbed the cardboard boxes. "I'm already late," he said with a toneless voice. "Joe is waiting for me." He left the office without looking back. 

  
  


***

  
  


Tani saw Danny leaving and sighed. There had been no shouting coming from his office, no hand waving, and that told her that the situation was really, really serious. A conversation from months ago came to her mind. 

  
  


_Tani was tired. Giving birth to Natano the night before had depleted her; the little warrior had taken his time and kept his mother in labor for almost twelve hours, but once Tani saw his little red and wrinkly face, she forgave him. He was the most beautiful human being she had ever seen her whole life, and yes, maybe she was a little sappy right now, but she was allowed to be, right? She just gave birth to her first kid, and the good drugs now worked in her system to help ease the pain of said birth._

_The nurses had done wonders and made Tani presentable once Danny had called and asked when he could come and visit the newest member of their family._

_Of their family. Not just of Tani's and Juniors (and they still had to tie the knot), but also of the extended one of Five-0. Tani had smiled, tears shimmering in her dark eyes when she thought of how many Aunties and Uncles Natano would have. She herself had grown up rather isolated from family, with her Army father moving them around the country. But Natano would experience the full program, and that made Tani happy._

_Danny had been the first to visit and left just a few minutes ago. Tani knew Danny was a great father; actually, she hoped Junior would grow into a Dad such as Danny was. Doting. Engaged. Present. Danny had been so careful, so gentle when Tani had allowed him to hold Natano for a little while, and he had smiled as brightly as she hadn't seen him smile since Steve left._

_Steve. Tani sighed. She knew Junior had sent him pictures of Natano and was now looking every other minute at his phone, clearly waiting for an answer. But they didn't know where Steve was at the moment; maybe he was deep asleep because it was night?_

_"Junes."_

_No reaction._

_"Junior?"_

_Nothing._

_"Private Reigns, if you don't put that damned phone down I'll crawl out of bed and kick your ass! Your newborn son is lying here in his mother's arms and you have but eyes for your stupid phone!"_

_Junior snapped to attention, the military drill still too present in his mind as to ignore the barked words. "What… Huh? Oh yes, right. Sorry, Tani. I just…" He shoved the phone into his pants pocket and ducked his head under Tani's stern gaze._

_"Yeah, you just." Tani felt anger rise in her. Not necessarily about Junior, but rather about Steve. "Do you need Steve's absolution for your own son?!"_

_Junior glowered and jutted his chin forward. "Of course I don't," he answered stiffly. "Just wanted to let him know that the next generation of SEALs is ready."_

_"What for Junes, huh? Do you think he'll jump into the next plane and come and train Natano himself? Besides: I'd rather chop my arm off than allow Natano to join the armed forces!" Tani glowered back, then sighed. "Come on, Junes, the guy is trying to find some peace. He can't do that if you keep texting him every other minute to see if the decisions you make are to his consent."_

_"No, it's not… that's not it…" Junior started to defend himself, then let his voice trail off._

_"Then what is it, Junior? Tell me, because I don't recognize you anymore!"_

_Junior crossed his arms before the chest. "Stop treating Steve as if he is some kind of hippie, looking for peace and the sunshine, Tani. Because he's not, okay? He's just taking shore leave, and me keeping him updated will help him orientate himself at once when he's back. That's all. I'm not seeking his absolution!"_

_Tani stared at Junior, then pressed a gentle kiss on Natano's black curls. He'd been born with a shock of hair, but the nurses had told Tani that he'd lose most of it probably soon. "Junes. No. Face it. Steve is gone. Probably forever. Do you really think he's just gone for a vacation? Wow. Junes. Make a reality self-check. Steve's gone. What happened the last two years have broken him, maybe even beyond repair. Can't you see that? I thought that him leaving would wake you up! He's just a human being like we all are, not that hero you worship."_

_Junior shook his head, clearly unwilling to hear what Tani said. "Steve is the best SEAL I've had the honor to work with. People like him… they don't just break, Tani. They get the best training and get prepared for losses. That's part of the job description! They know how to deal with that. He's just… he's just needing a little time to readjust. That's all."_

_"Junes, I know you SEAL guys need to believe that because otherwise you couldn't function, but Steve isn't a SEAL anymore. At least not like the way he was. Even Danny can see that, and started to move on, accepting that Steve might not come back."_

_"Danny." Junior snorted and curled his lips. "Danny is a civilian and never understood Steve as much as-"_

_"Don't you dare say it, Junior Reigns!"_

_A new voice made both startle and look at the door. Adam stood in the frame, a gigantic flower bouquet in his hands, Quinn behind him, carrying a just as big box of chocolates. "Listen, man." Adam sighed and shook his head. "This is not something we should discuss here. You just became a Dad, and we should be celebrating this. So. Congratulations, Junior. And to you, too, Tani. I know who did the hard work here." He winked at her, stepping fully into the room now, making space for Quinn, who slipped in behind him. Then he faced Junior,_ _who had gotten up, hands balled into fists, arms stiffly at his sides._

 _"Come on." He pulled him into a loose embrace, slapping lightly on his back, before releasing him and taking a deep breath. "But I think you don't know Steve the way we do, Danny, Lou, Ime. It's not just a thing of_ you know him for 3 years, but I do for ten _. It's not a competition, but rather about how much we saw him go through. And it's been Danny who had been at his side all this time, no one knows him better than Danny does. It's a fact, Junior. Sometimes, it's that simple. Maybe… maybe you should let go of how you want Steve to be and see how he really is?"_

_Quinn raised her eyebrows when she glanced at Tani and handed over the gift box, mouthing a "Congratulations, Mama."_

_"With all due respect, Adam, I do know Steve! I fought at his side in battle and-"_

_Adam interrupted Junior again, his dark eyes now gleaming with sympathetic determination. "That's what Danny did, years before you came into the picture. He was at Steve's side when he almost got beheaded in Afghanistan and insisted that the SEALs went in, although they didn't believe Steve was still alive! He landed that damn plane when Steve got shot and was at the brink of death! So don't, Junior. Just don't."_

_"Besides, they're in love." Quinn had stepped up next to Adam, making another step forward now, placing herself strategically between the two men. "You can't deny that, Junior."_

_Junior shook his head, unwilling to acknowledge her words. "Sure, they love each other like brothers do, but…"_

_"No, not like brothers." Quinn gave him half a smile. "Get over it, Junior. Steve isn't the straight war hero you want him to be. He's just a man, and he's in love with Danny, even if he would never admit that in public. I've seen how he is around Danny, how intimate they are with each other. Do you really think he let Danny live with both of you just because he was worried Danny would do something stupid after that terrible car accident? He did it because he couldn't stand the thought of losing Danny. If Danny was a Danielle instead of a Daniel, would you also think what's going on between the two is just platonic love?"_

_Confronted like that, with three pairs of eyes staring expectantly at him, Junior yielded. He backed off a few steps, the expression of his face changing from determined to insecure, making him look so much younger. "... I guess… not…?" He made a quick sidestep around Adam and fled through the door._

_Adam shrugged apologetically at Tani. "I'm sorry, Tani. But Danny is a good man, and I won't allow anyone to talk bad of him. I'm sorry."_

_Tani cradled Natano who had gotten anxious at the loud voices and shook her head. "No, it's okay, Adam. I'd have busted his balls myself, but maybe it's better he heard it from you. He'll need some time to chew on it, but I'm sure that opened his eyes." She looked at Quinn. "And wow. I have only guessed for the last two years, that the two are in love. How did you come to that conclusion so fast?"_

_Quinn took a vase out of the closet opposite of Tani's bed and filled it with water. She put the flowers in that Adam handed her and made a fuss with arranging them, not looking up at Tani as she answered. "I can read hidden signs very well. My brother was gay."_

  
  


***

"You want a cup of coffee?" 

When Tani spoke to him, Steve woke from his stupor, still staring at the chair Danny had sat in some minutes ago before he fled. He turned around, feeling weary and confused and aching all at the same time. He merely nodded and followed Tani, who led him to the bullpen that had been her former office and now looked like-

"You made an interrogation room out of your office?" Steve couldn't help but nod approvingly. "This looks great, it's actually a really good idea…" His voice trailed off. 

"Yeah." Tani handed him a cup and sat down on one of the two chairs on one side of the big table. Steve hesitated a moment, then took the second chair. He had a feeling that Tani hadn't chosen this room of all the available ones, but was glad she hadn't put the table between them. 

"It was Danny's idea, actually. And my interior designer's talent." She grinned, looking suddenly like the young woman again Steve had known, not like the mother she was now. 

"Why have I never…" Steve shook his head. "It looks great," he then repeated, ready to accept this change. He took a deep breath and met Tani's steady gaze. "What's that thing with the, the inhaler? And who's this Joe?"

Tani's eyebrows raised. "He has it for his asthmatic bouts," she explained, clearly not sure what he was up to. Then, she put her coffee on the table and stared at Steve. "Don't tell me you didn't know about that?!" 

"About what? That Danny has asthma? No, I didn't-" Steve leaned back and rubbed a hand over his eyes. "Oh no, no. Danny, no." He shot a look at Tani. "The Sarin, right? Danny had been exposed to Sarin in the first year after we established Five-0." He groaned. "When Danny was in the hospital, finally responding to the therapy the doctors gave him, I read some things about Sarin. That it might damage the lungs and all this. But he never… he must've pulled some favors to keep that out of his medical file. Oh, Danny, why?" 

Tani gave him a sympathetic look. "Because he never talks much about the serious stuff. The stuff that really bugs him. Yeah, he's complaining a lot, about each and everything, but never about what hits close to home."

"You're right." Steve closed his eyes and took a deep breath. "And I should know that. I… I have realized a lot of things when I was gone. That we can't fight fate is one of them. That maybe… maybe it was predestined what happened in my life, _our_ lives, everything. Not only that we lose the ones we love, but also, that we keep on fighting to keep what is precious to us. It's a fight we may never win, in the end, but that it's the small things, the short moments of happiness, that are worth every second of fighting." He smiled at Tani, let her see the pain it had caused him until he had reached this understanding. His next words were not so much of a confession, but a simple statement. "I love him, Tani."

"If you don't have any fight in you, you might as well be dead." Tani nodded. "Danny was hurt so much by the way you left, Steve. We've tried mending the broken pieces, but not even Eddie could do that. Nor Charlie, nor Grace. Danny finally got his feet back on the ground, but he's… he's still hurting. He's just the ghost of who he was before. And now you suddenly appear and turn his world upside down. You asked about Joe? Well, Danny has met someone. Joe. I think they're dating, but I don't think Danny loves him. It's just like he tries to find a resemblance of the normal life he has always craved for. I can't tell for sure if he loves you too, like _this_. But he for sure behaves like a person that has been left behind by the one they're crazy in love with." Tani leaned forward and put a hand against Steve's hand, ever so gentle. 

"Only one person in the world can make Danny Williams whole again. That's you, Steve. You say you love him? Like, the real deal love? You think fighting is a part of who you are? Then fight for Danny!" She let out a small laugh. "God, I sound so schmaltzy! But I tell you one thing, Steve: if you ever, ever hurt Danny and break his heart again, or dare to leave for such a long time, I'll find you."


	4. 6 months later

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, you all are so wonderful! Thank you so, so much for your comments and all the kudos! :)

* * *

**6 months later**

_Take a good look at me now_

_'Cause I'll still be standing here_

_And you coming back to me is against all odds_

_It's the chance I've got to take_

_Take a look at me now_

  
  


_'_ **_No_ ** **.** **_'_ **

Danny put the fork away and looked at his cell phone. A single word lit up the screen, "Caveman" the sender. He grabbed it and opened the message with a swift swipe of his thumb. He stopped chewing on his breakfast eggs and frowned. 

_'_ **_No_ ** **.** **_'_ **

There was nothing more in the message, and Danny sighed. "Really, Steven?" He scrolled a bit higher until there was a message of Steve with more text; recapitulated to which of his messages this had been the answer to, and scrolled way up higher, higher, until he reached a long series of text messages that had been sent more than a year ago by him to Steve. He knit his eyebrows in concentration and re-read some of his own messages until he found the one Steve had answered with the longer text two days ago and counted two more down. He read his own message, one he hadn't gotten an answer to until just a few seconds ago. 

_'_ **_A simple "yes" or "no" would be enough, you know? I don't expect a novel from you. Are you still in Peru?'_ **

Danny grinned about Steve's answer. Well, he hadn't demanded more than just a word, right? The grin faded, though, as he thought back to the time he had sent the message to Steve. And received no answer. Fair enough, Steve had "warned" him about two, three months after he had left Hawaii that he wouldn't answer Danny's text messages and calls for a while. _For a while_. Danny had believed that meant that Steve now entered those parts of Peru (where Steve had last said he was) where network coverage wasn't a given thing. He had continued to send a daily message to Steve, though. Kept him updated about Charlie's progress at Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu (something Steve had brought him to, after some hot arguments with Danny), and about Grace's stunts at the college, although he was sure his daughter spammed Steve with them herself. He had wanted to make Steve feel that, although his abrupt departure still stung, he wasn't angry or offended in any way. He wanted to show Steve that he was here, that he was waiting for him at home whenever he was ready to return. 

But after weeks there was no word from Steve, and then those weeks turned to months. Danny had felt how his hope had vanished. He had tried contacting Catherine, of course, clinging to every lifeline he might have had. But it had turned out that Catherine's number, as it was saved in his phone, was dead, and even Lincoln hadn't been able to reach out to her. This had been around the time Danny had been stabbed down by Alvarez. 

Now, with Steve being back for half a year, Danny knew there had always been that tiny spark of hope inside his soul that Steve would return. Even if he had thought the opposite back then, lying in the hospital bed and trying to get back on his feet again. That spark had led him to send one last message to Steve after Joe had kissed him, even if he hadn't known then the spark was still alive.

He might have jinxed his relationship (if it could have been called like that) with Joe. 

_  
"What‘s going on in your head today?" Joe stepped up to Danny and gently knocked against Danny's sweaty forehead. They had been packing up card boxes all afternoon long, throwing in stuff that had moved from Danny's to Steve‘s house in the course of over half and a year. Joe had been astonished when Danny had called but had come right away._

_"Why are we doing this now, by the way? We wanted to do that at the weekend. Did something happen?" Joe tried to pull Danny into an embrace, but Danny put up his arms, thus preventing Joe from pulling him closer._

_When he registered the confused, hurt expression in Joe's green eyes, Danny sighed and put a hand against Joe‘s bearded cheek. "I'm too sweaty is all," he said and shrugged. "Uh-huh, you could say so… Steve is back."_

_Joe's face morphed into a grin. "I love to see you sweaty," he started, but then the grin was effectively wiped away. "Steve? Like Steve McGarrett, the guy who owns that house? Wow. He doesn't even give you a few more days? That's rash, man. After all, you looked after the house while he was gone!"_

_Danny sucked his lips in, then shook reluctantly his head. "Nope, it's not because of him. Ah, well, yes, it is because of him, but not, because he wants me out. I want out."_

_"Oh, okay." Joe studied Danny for a long moment until the other man started to squirm under the gaze. "Is there something else you want to tell me?"_

_"N-no." Danny turned his back to Joe. "Come on, the faster we're done, the faster I can cook something nice for dinner. And maybe… breakfast?"_

  
  


Danny shook his head, trying to chase away the cobwebs of memories. His gaze fell to his phone, to the message Steve had answered a few minutes ago. A smile flitted over his lips. After that first meeting in HQ, Danny tried and successfully avoided Steve for the first week. He concentrated on Joe instead, desperate to find that kind of inner peace again he had until the moment he had lain eyes on Steve. He had been so mad, the festering pain of Steve just leaving him raw and bone-deep aching again. Danny planned to confront Steve, just wanted to give him some days to get familiar with the beat of the Islands again, but then… he didn't find the strength to do so. Instead, he slapped the band-aid of too much work, too few sleep on the open wound in his soul to make it numb again, like he had done when Steve had left. He knew he couldn't keep that brutal chore up for long, had gotten a painful reminder that his body wasn't immortal the last time. But he simply had no idea how to let Steve into his life again. 

And then the text messages had started. One per day. Danny had been confused at first, the messages Steve sent him not making sense to him; so he had chosen to ignore them. Until one day Grace had been making some changes in his phone's settings (because even if he had two kids, he still didn't get behind the miracles of a cell phone) and suddenly put said phone down with a hard "bang". How long has Steve been doing this, she had demanded and had never looked more like her mother as in that moment. Danny had blinked and automatically answered. A few weeks? Maybe… Grace had been furious. 

  
  


_"He answers the messages you sent him, Danno. He tries to woo you to be his BFF again, just like he tries with me!" She had explained, her face red with rage, and now the father in Danny awoke._

_"Grace — did you just read through my messages?!" His heart thudded in his throat, thinking back to the message Joe had sent him just the night before. If she had read that…_

_"Only a few of those you sent to Steve, and those he sent, obviously now finally deigning to answer. Danno." Her face grew soft. "Don‘t let him hurt you again."_

_When had his little girl become such a perceptive woman? Danny swallowed against the lump in his throat and waved her into an embrace, a request she was eager to follow. He held her tight, pulling strength out of the hug, as he had always done._

_"I won‘t monkey, I won‘t."_

_He decided to continue to ignore the messages, go to work like he did every day, date with Joe like he had for some time now. Joe wanted to take their relationship to the next level, beyond kisses and casual touches, but somehow… somehow Danny just couldn‘t. It wasn‘t fair to Joe, that sweet, gentle soul, not when Danny was thinking about how it would be if it was Steve who was kissing him._

_A month after Steve‘s return, Joe said good-bye to Danny. He wasn‘t angry or seemed to feel betrayed, only stated that he knew when he wasn‘t The One. Danny felt… sad, but at the same time relieved. They parted as friends, Joe joking that he'd still stitch Danny up if he happened to end up on his surgery table again._

_The next morning, a message from Steve conjured a smile on his face._

  
  


" ** _So. Dinner at 1900 still stands?_ **"

The beep of the new message almost made Danny jump. He bit his lip, nervous all of a sudden. 

Steve had started working as the Governor's direct assistant, his contact to Five-0, not yet ready to fully return to Five-0. Not, when it was running so smoothly with the new arrangements they had made after Steve had left. Danny had actually been surprised Steve hadn't just retaken his post, just as he had recruited Danny into the then-new task force eleven years ago. They had never talked about that, though, just as they hadn't talked about a lot of things. _Not yet_ , Danny told himself over and over again. They were getting to know each other again, anew, on a new base of a relationship as Steve being the Governor's assistant and Danny Head of Five-0. 

Danny knew they would have to talk about the big elephant in the room one day, sure. But he wasn't ready for it, _not yet_. Steve had left him in a moment where both had been the most vulnerable, and yes. Although Danny was beginning to understand this had been necessary for both of them, including all the pain and tears it had cost them, he still wasn't ready to allow Steve fully back into his life, and certainly not into that of his children as he had been. 

Until tonight. 

Danny had noticed that he was waiting, craving for those daily text messages from Steve, coming every morning at around 7. Each of them, bit by bit, were like a balm to his still raw soul, and so, a few days ago, he passed a letter to Steve via Steve‘s pretty redheaded assistant, asking if he wanted to meet Danny and the kids for dinner at the Hilton on Saturday evening, 7 pm. 

Charlie was looking forward to it, had been chattering about how many moves in BJJ he wanted to show Uncle Steve, and how he wanted to know allllll about where Uncle Steve had been. 

Grace was more reserved. Danny had the impression she merely agreed to join them because she considered herself some kind of guard dog for Danny. 

Danny… Danny wasn't so sure what to expect. Charlie seemed willing to let Steve into his life again, with the resilience and the forgiveness solely children could muster whose souls hadn't been marred by rejection. Danny was actually surprised Charlie was so eager to meet Steve. After all, he was the second father figure in the little guy's life who had just vanished. Maybe, Danny mused now as he meticulously picked at the collar of the dark red button-down he was wearing, maybe Charlie sensed that Steve wouldn't leave again. Danny paused at that and stared at the reflection of himself in the mirror. A face stared back at him that he almost didn't recognize. For the first time, he noticed some wrinkles he couldn't remember having seen before around his eyes, his mouth. Could it really be true? Would Steve stay, for good this time? 

"You look great, Danno." Grace's affectionate voice startled him out of his musings, and his reflection in the mirror smiled at her face that now became visible next to him. 

"I know," he said lightly, tugging once more on his collar. "I just want to make sure Steve will see that, too." He grinned, but the joke fizzled out when Grace just knitted her eyebrows. "Hey, monkey." Danny turned around and wrapped his arms around her shoulders. "It's fine, okay? _I_ am fine. Really. It's just a dinner between friends. Nothing more. Steve has been asking how you two are doing, he's… he's missing you." He smiled again.

Grace just sighed against his collarbone (when had his little girl become so tall?) and gently wriggled out of his embrace. "Yeah, sure." 

  
  


***

  
  


"Mhm." Steve shoved another bite into his already stuffed mouth and chewed. "I didn't know how much I missed those steaks!" 

Danny leaned back and snorted, putting his cutlery next to his half-emptied plate and shook his head. "Some things never change, you animal, do they?" He grinned but straightened his face when he felt Grace's stare on him. She hadn't said much all evening, even stepped back when Steve had opened his arms and wanted to pull her into a hug. Danny had felt a sting when he saw the hurt that flitted over Steve's face and made a mental note to talk to Grace again. 

Charlie had been all joy and had allowed Steve to swoop him up and cover his little face with a flurry of smooches. 

"I'm just hungry," Steve stated and finally chewed on the half cow he currently had plugged in his mouth. "I think I haven't felt hungry in ages." The look he gave Danny at that made Danny avert his gaze to the napkin he had placed neatly on his lap. He knew what Steve meant. It seemed to him, too, as if food had never tasted so good, so rich as it did at this moment, with Steve sitting opposite of him and his children on each of his sides. It was as if the world had shifted back into its rightful place. But he couldn't help the blush that made his ears burn when he raised his eyes and met Steve's gaze again. 

"Yeah, right." Grace dapped at her lips with her napkin and threw it into her almost untouched plate.

Danny felt a prickle in the back of his neck, sensing a storm coming and tried to dissipate it before it would hit them full force. "Grace." His voice was sharp, a tone he hadn't used in years to reprimand his daughter. 

Her eyes went wide for the split of a second, but then she crossed her arms. "No, Dad." She met his gaze with fierce determination. "I can see what you are doing here, and we both know how this ends." 

Steve stopped chewing and simply swallowed the gigantic bite he had in his mouth as a whole. "Grace…" He tried, voice soft, but before he could continue, the storm that had been brewing in Grace was set loose. 

"No, Steve. Now _I_ am talking. I know, you both think I'm still that little girl that doesn't understand what's going on here, _but I'm not_. I am not anymore." She snapped her fingers at Charlie. "Charlie, go wash your hands." Charlie looked at her startled and surprised but obeyed and dashed away. 

Danny blinked. When had Grace become such an authoritative person in Charlie's life? 

"Dad, stop treating Steve as if it has been _you_ who made a mistake. Please! This is not, not Gabby or Melissa or… or _Mom_ ." Grace uttered the last word with a distressed sound. "I have no idea why your marriage with Mom failed, Dad, but I know you blame yourself for it and that's why she's had that power over you for the last eleven years! I'm glad you finally realized that you two just weren't meant to be, as hard as it was for me, because I love you both just as Charlie does, but… I don't want you to fall into the same trap with Steve. Can't you see this? You are about to hand him your heart on a silver platter _again_ , and he will take it and tear it apart _again_. Just like Mom did. And I… I can't see you like that, not again, when everything you deserve is happiness and someone who really loves you, without using you like a napkin." Grace subconsciously grabbed her own napkin again and wadded it into a ball.

"Grace." Danny was shocked. She had never talked like that to them; this open and this unfiltered. "You have no right to talk like this to us!"

"Oh yes. I do. Of all the people, _I do_ , Danno." Grace blinked rapidly, obviously fighting against tears that were building up. "Because I recall you crying in the room next to mine when Mom wanted the divorce. I recall you crying in the room next to mine when I came back to Hawaii and Steve was gone." 

Now Danny blinked, too, feeling awkward under the intensity of Steve's gaze all of a sudden. He cleared his throat with a cough, ready to reprimand Grace again, but Steve held up a hand. "No, Danny. Please… may I?" Steve directed the words to Grace, but Danny nodded. 

"Grace, I… I… Please, don't talk like that to your father when it's actually me you're angry about. And I understand why you're angry and mad and furious about me and feel as if I abandoned Danny. And Charlie, and you. This must look like a selfish move. I understand that. I had a whole year and a half to think about it, and there's nothing I regret more than cutting you out of my life. You believe I want to be a part of your lives again because it's convenient for me, but… never think I take any one of you three for granted, Grace. Never. The opposite is true." Steve took a deep breath and looked at Danny once more as if he wanted to have his consent again. 

"Yes, I actually thought I could come back into your life, Grace, without having to tell you everything. I still see the little girl with the pigtails when I look at you. I want to protect you from all evil, just like your Danno here still does. But… but you are a grown-up woman now, and yes. You deserve the truth about why I had to leave." 

Danny didn't move. Grace was a cop's daughter and had always noticed more than other kids did about their parents, although it had never tainted her positive disposition. His silence seemed to encourage Steve.

"I came back to Hawaii eleven years ago after my father was killed because _I_ made a mistake. Because I thought my way was the only acceptable way. I had never thought that what I do for a living, what my _whole life_ was at that point, could have repercussions on my family, on the people I love. But it did. It took my best friend, Freddie." He had to stop and clear his throat. 

"But I went on in the only way I knew. And then it took my father. I still went on. It took my mentor, Joe, and it took my mother." Steve's eyes were gleaming now with unshed tears. "And when it almost took Danny, the person I care most about in the world, I… I just couldn't. I couldn't move on as I had done since I was sixteen and my father had sent me away." 

Danny noticed the shift in Grace's defensive posture. He knew all her faces and saw the exact moment when she shifted from confronting to finally _listening._

"I was… I am… a broken man, Grace. I never dared to admit it to myself, because I've seen comrades put a bullet through their brains when they realized exactly that. And I was scared. I still am scared. For so many years, I had a purpose. A mission that made me get up every morning after nights full of nightmares. But I knew that when I would give in, I would lose that purpose. And what is left, then? I… I found your father in that cabin, on the floor, barely conscious, all beaten up and bleeding to death, and all I thought was that I wouldn't be able to go on if he died, too. My father, Joe, my mother… they were my past, a past I desperately tried to understand, but Danno... Danno was my future, and I just couldn't lose this. Not… _this_. 

"Your father didn't die. He's the toughest and most stubborn man I know." Steve smiled at Danny now, through the tears he didn't hold back anymore and didn't try to hide. "But to fully understand what your father means to me, what he means _for_ me… I had to leave. For once in my life, I had to do something for _myself_. I had to find myself first before I could try to get that future back that I almost lost when I found your father. And now… All I can do is hope you find it in your hearts to forgive me. For abandoning you. I know it will never be as it was before, but..." 

Grace grabbed Steve's hand, the crumpled-up napkin long forgotten. Her face was tear-stained, but she looked with a new kind of determination into Steve's eyes. "I need you to promise me something. I will give you a second chance, Uncle Steve, but I need a 100 percent promise from you." 

Danny could see how Steve winced when Grace finally called him ‘Uncle' again. His own eyes were wet now, too, and he hastily wiped at them. 

"Anything, Gracie. Anything!" Steve looked at Grace, focused as Danny had seen him seldom. 

"Promise you you won't hurt Danno again."

Steve laughed, the relieved laugh of a man who had just gotten a second chance. "Gracie, I promise, no, I swear on everything that's dear to me that I won't hurt him again." 

"Mhm. So you swear it on the Marquis?" There was a glint in Grace's eye that both men didn't miss.

Steve got up and pulled Grace to her feet and into a tight embrace. "Yes, on the Marquis and everything else you want me to," he mumbled into her braided hair and placed a gentle kiss against her temple. 

"Hey," Charlie's high voice made them all turn to him. He stared at Grace, still in Steve's arms, and beamed at Danny. "Danno, does Grace love Uncle Steve again?"

Danny pulled the little guy onto his lap and pressed a kiss on his cheek. "Yeah, Tiger, I think she's about to do that again." 

  
  


***

  
  


Danny, barefoot now, joined Steve who was sitting in the small garden backyard that belonged to Danny's house. The kids had gone to bed, Charlie to go to sleep, Grace to phone with Will. Danny held out an ice-cold Longboard and sat down next to Steve into one of the lawn chairs. 

"Not quite a view like you have it at your house." Danny gave a crooked smile and raised his sweating bottle at Steve. 

"That's true," Steve admitted and lightly knocked his own bottle against Danny's. "But it's just as nice. I may have the ocean lapping at my shore, but you have a swing and the traces of family here." He gestured with his free hand toward the swing in the middle of the garden and the strewn toys. He drank, then turned the bottle in his hands, mind obviously a thousand miles away.

"Where are you now?" Danny quietly inquired and leaned back, enjoyed the soft breeze that ruffled his hair. 

"I was just realizing what a lucky man I am, despite everything that has happened. Grace forgave me, and maybe you will, too, one day." 

"Mhm." Danny made a vague sound. 

"When I was on the high plateau of Peru, the Altiplano, with nothing but a tent and my duffle bag, with no network coverage, away from civilization for weeks, I finally had time to think. And… and thinking I did. At times, I was desperate. I was ready to just slit my wrists and be done with all. I remember crying for days until I was so dehydrated that I couldn't even swallow properly anymore. I didn't shave. I didn't wash. I would've deserved a _caveman_ from you." He let out a small laugh that hinted on the pain and desperation he had gone through. "On other days, the last ten years were so far away, like a dream or something that had happened to another man. I was genuinely happy, just sitting there in seclusion, not having to pretend to be something people expected me to be. The hotshot quarterback. The brave soldier. The highly trained naval intelligence SEAL." He stared at the swing that moved minutely in a lazy breeze. 

"You never had to pretend around me." Danny took a sip from his bottle. There was no reproach in his voice, just a silent statement. 

"Yeah." Steve let his breath out with a whoosh. "That's one of the things I realized. It took me a long time to admit it. It was hard, really, like barely anything in my life has been. I also realized I couldn't just go back and take up where I've left. First of all, because I was sure you wouldn't allow me to," he let out another small laugh. "But also because it would lead down the same well-worn way I have been walking since I was sixteen years old and my mother had just died in a car accident. At the end of that way, there would have been more death, more grief." He lightly shook his bottle, assessing the level of the liquid inside, then put the bottle on the table in front of him. He sat upright, and nodded, clearly reliving the exhilaration of the decision he had reached all those months ago.

"At this point, my SEAL training kicked in. Not the physical part," he chuckled. "But the mental. We were trained to follow a mission through to the end, but that's just a fraction of what they drilled into us. They also taught us to assess a situation, a mission, whenever new data was available, and to react accordingly to it. Sometimes this means to abort the original course of a mission, to draw back and to continue in the opposite direction to fulfill the mission in the end."

Danny watched him, listening attentively. He felt the need in Steve to talk, to explain, to finally find the peace he was chasing so desperately. 

"I couldn't help but think: what if I was stuck in a situation where I had to correct the tack? Where I had to admit that the way I had chosen was not the one that led to success, to… to peace?" Steve sucked his lower lip in and chewed on it. "It went against all that I have ever been taught, by my parents as well as by the Navy. But where had that led me? Into the wilderness, because human interaction caused me pain. All the PTSD I have... I do have because I've never gotten therapy, never demanded, wanted therapy. I always insisted I was _fine_ , but it was never my definition of fine. Fine was always what my father thought it was, what Joe, what the Navy, taught me to believe it was. I'm not fine, Danny. Not by a long shot." His voice broke, and Danny itched to pull him into an embrace, to hold him, to ease the pain Steve was going through. But he felt that Steve still wasn't finished and didn't move.

"But I know I can't run away from it any longer. Because I also realized this was what I had been doing. The help I need, I can't get it from solitude, from isolating myself further. This is why I started therapy as soon as I was back in Hawaii. It helps. It really does." He smiled, turning on his chair so that he was now facing Danny directly. 

"It made me see I also pretended another thing. That I was straight, even though I am not." He let these words sink in, not moving under Danny's intense gaze. "The whole time I felt as if something wasn't _right_ , as if something was missing, and I… I now understand what this something is. Or rather, who that someone is." 

Danny still didn't move, barely dared to breathe. Was Steve really about to tell him that he felt the same as Danny did? That… that they had wasted so much time by dancing around each other, hurting each other with turning to others in search of love? 

Obviously, the absence of a reaction deflated Steve, and he looked away, bowed forward, and placed his forearms on his knees, rubbing his hands. "I'm sorry, Danny. I'm sorry if I am too late, or if I'm assuming wrong. I… I just needed you to know. That I love you. You know?" 

Danny sighed. "This, this is all a lot to take in. And I have to wrap my head around it first. When I came to Washington after… after Doris' death, to bring you back home, you told me that we don't get life on our terms. That it was on life's terms, or not at all. Maybe that's true, for the grand scheme of things. But right now? Right here? This is definitely on our terms, Steve. On yours, but also on mine."

Steve still sat in that hunched position, but the blow he seemed to have expected didn't come. Danny could see how he chewed on the words Danny had just told him. The old Steve would have taken up the challenge. Wouldn't have left it at that, would have insisted on a satisfying solution to clear the air. 

But this new Steve now? He finally nodded and turned his head to smile at Danny. "All the time you need, Danno. All the time. I'll see you in the morning?"

Danny rose to his feet, along with Steve, and saw him out. When he closed the door, he leaned against it and pulled in a deep breath. He hadn't thought it possible, wouldn't have thought it possible a year and a half ago, but he understood Steve. He could see why Steve had left, and why he had to do it at that time. Maybe, if Steve had stayed, Danny would have found him with said bullet in his brains in the morning. And then, he would have lost Steve forever.

Danny shuddered and padded silently into his bedroom. The cool silk of his sheets felt soothing against his hot skin, but he didn't fall asleep. Instead, he tossed and turned, mind churning from Steve's words. 

At 2:30 in the morning, he gave up and tore the blankets away. He pulled on old sweatpants and didn't bother to change from his sleepshirt with the hole in the front into a clean shirt. He grabbed the keys of Grace's car (and yes, she would bust his chops for that the next day) and drove like on autopilot until he pulled the car up on the curb in front of Steve's house. 

He fumbled his phone out of his pocket and speed-dialed Steve's number. After some long seconds, Steve's sleep-drowsy voice answered. " _Mnhn_?"

"Steve. Get up. We need to talk." 

_"... Danny? It's…_ " A moment of silence and rustling of sheets. _"Even for me, it’s way too early to be awake."_ Then, Steve's mind seemed to have fully booted, because his voice was suddenly alert. _" Did something happen? Grace, Charlie…? "_

"Nah, they're good, sleeping. Come on, open the door." 

The call ended, and Danny could see from the lights in the house that were switched on that Steve got up and went downstairs. The door was flung open, and Steve was standing in the frame, hair tousled, chest naked, pajama pants pulled up barely high enough to be decent. Danny blinked and swallowed. 

"I expected to see you in the morning, but not THAT early." Steve's voice was dry, and still a bit rusty from sleep, but he stepped aside and simply turned toward the kitchen, knowing Danny would follow him. 

Danny did and patted a sleepy Eddie's head along the way. He leaned against the counter under the kitchen window, while Steve set up the coffee machine. 

"I couldn't sleep," Danny simply said. 

Steve nodded and turned, leaning against his side of the counter, arms crossed in a mirroring gesture to Danny's. 

"I… I wanted to tell you that I, that I forgive you." Danny blurted out, hands now moving with each word. "I wanted to tell you that yesterday already, I think, but I… I'm still not sure where this will lead us, y' know? You said you didn't want to walk down that road again… the road that brought you here eleven years ago, and then I remembered your words before the shit hit the fan… where you told me that only the mystery around your father's murder held you here, in Hawaii."

Steve lowered his head embarrassed and nodded. 

"I tried to persuade myself you didn't mean that. That you had simply been too confused, too hurt, too exhausted, that you didn't know anymore what you were saying. What you were saying to _me_. It hurt, Steve. It hurt like a bitch, man. Eleven years ago, Steve, you told me that maybe I wasn't as alone here as I'd think. 

"When you left, Steve… when you left, I felt just like I did before you gave me a… a reason, a purpose— a _home_ with Five-0. And I racked my brain in the nights after you left, up until today: why haven't we, _I_ , been enough for you to stay? Did you tell the truth that you stayed only because of John's murder? Have we been something convenient, as Grace put it? I was confused. I was hurt. I was angry. I was depressed. Uh, I went through so many emotions I can't even begin to count them. 

"I tried to move on. To do what I had always done. After Billy Selway died, after Grace Tillwell died, after my divorce... After Rachel dragged my daughter 5,000 miles away from what I thought we both defined as _home_. And then there were you. You found me and saved me, Steve. And all I wanted was to do the same for you. I gave you… I gave you everything. I wanted you to be a part of my family, just like you were a part of mine. Hell, Steve. I didn't return to Jersey when I had the chance to, when Rachel was pregnant with Charlie and ready to take me back."

"You gave me half of your liver." Comprehension dawned in Steve’s eyes.

Danny shrugged. "I wanted you to be with me, Steve. I wanted you to feel loved. But you… you never felt worthy enough, right? You always had the feeling you didn't deserve it. But, as I told you the first day you returned: You deserve everything good in the world. And this is the best I can give." He paused, gathered his thoughts. "But you left. I even hated you for some time. Because I have been desperate when you left; when you didn't give me enough time to heal to be able to follow you wherever you wanted to go. I would have followed you, Steve. Anywhere. Anytime."

"I know." Steve's voice was quiet, barely audible. "And that's exactly why I had to go so fast. I couldn't… I couldn't use you as my emotional waste bin. Because you, Danny, you also deserve all the good in the world. Your big heart…" He made a step forward. "Your big heart would have been shredded beyond repair, and I just couldn't let you do that for me." 

Danny made a circling motion over the chest. "This big heart of mine has been shredded so many times, Steve. But you know what the characteristics of big hearts are? They heal. They may be scarred on parts, but _they heal_." 

Steve made another step forward, and Danny had to tilt his head back to keep his gaze on Steve's face. "Can you give me a second chance, Danny?"

Danny licked his suddenly too-dry lips. "All-in, Steve? No more running away, no more pretense?" 

Steve nodded. "I promise. 100 percent." 

Danny smiled and let his breath out with a soft sigh. "Then yes, Steve."

Steve lifted a hand and gently put it against Danny's face, his thumb gently caressing the stubbly cheek. "You said, we'd do that on our terms now, Danny. Last time I roped you in, didn't give you the freedom to choose when I needed help in solving my father's murder. You know what I told Governor Jameson when I left your apartment to wait for you to get your car keys? On that first day? I told her I had found something that made me stay. And I… I didn't think about my father, then. All I could think about was this fierce and angry little haole who has moved across the world to follow his daughter. 

"So this time, Danny, I'm asking. May I kiss you?"

Danny felt his heartbeat in his throat, but he nodded with a jittery bobbing of his head. 

Steve's lips brushed over his, lingered there. "On our terms, Danno." 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	5. 1 year after Steve's return

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... there it is, the final chapter. Thank you so much to all of you who read, left comments, and/or kudos! I appreciate so much that my version of sending the boys (and the rest of the team!) into the sunset after 10 sometimes great, sometimes not-so-great years has found your interest and liking. :) Mahalo, my friends!
> 
> And I apologize in advance that I didn't leave the boys sitting in their chairs at Steve's beach. *ducks head* But I think I found a just as nice place! ;)

* * *

**1 year after Steve's return**

_Through all the days that eat away_

_At every breath that I take_

_Through all the nights I've lain alone_

_In someone else's dream, awake_

_All the words in truth we have spoken_

_That the wind has blown away_

_It's only you that remains with me_

_Clear as the light of day_

  
  


"Steve. Steve, Steve, _STEVE_!! _Stop_!!" 

The tires of the Silverado screeched to an abrupt halt when Steve stomped hard on the brakes of the big truck. The cars behind them were swerving to the side, also coming to a stop, honking wildly. Steve made an apologetic gesture into the rearview mirror and turned to look at an agitated Danny. "What?!"

"What?" Danny didn't notice Steve's gaze, merely stared at the cars a car dealer had neatly rowed up behind a fence next to the street. 

"WHAT?!" Steve pinched Danny to get his attention.

Danny hissed and rubbed the aching spot, glaring at Steve. "What what?!"

Steve rolled his eyes and motioned at the speedometer of the truck where the needle was currently sitting on the "0 MPH" field of his display. 

"Oh." Danny nodded and just pushed open his door, climbed out of the truck. Steve sighed and thrust his hands up in defeat. He followed Danny who had strolled down the street a bit along the fence, until he stopped in front of an old yellow-sun-bleached Chevrolet Spark. "That's it. Steve. I think I found my car." 

Steve walked up to Danny's side, until his shoulder nearly bumped into that of Danny, and stared at the Spark. "Danny. That is not a car. That's one of my roller-skates I had as a kid." 

Danny punched Steve against the shoulder and now it was his turn to roll his eyes. "For once, _Steven_ , it is of disadvantage to be able to graze with giraffes in the top of trees. Come on." He tugged on Steve's sleeve, until the taller man crouched down to Danny's height and followed the finger that pointed to a car two rows behind the Spark.

"Oh." 

"Yes. _Oh_." Danny let go of Steve's sleeve and beamed at him. "That's my car!" 

"That's… Danny. We have been roaming through every available internet site for a new Camaro, and now you want a used one?!" Steve scratched his head. 

Danny shrugged. "They didn't talk to me. This one did. I saw her gleam in the sun! Tell me, how probable is it that I see a specific car amidst hundreds of other cars if she wasn't meant to be _my_ car?"

Steve sighed, resigning. "I don't see her gleaming under the layers of dust on her hull. Who knows, maybe she has mileage higher than the Empire State Building and the motor is scrap? But please, _Daniel_. Proceed." He made a mocking half-bow and gestured toward the gate.

Danny snorted. 

  
  


***

It turned out that the Camaro with the shadow-grey metallic varnish was a 2019 model with a mileage of under 10,000. It had been driven by a doctor's wife, who had moved back to the mainland along with her husband when he had been called back to the hospital where he had learned his craft. The price was affordable, since it had been standing there for almost a year, no one really interested in that kind of a Pony Car. 

Again, Danny insisted the car was his, that she had been waiting for him. A few days later he dangled the keys in front of Steve's face. Steve frowned. 

"It's your car. You should be driving her." 

Danny shook his head. "No. That's your job to do." And suddenly the mischief was gone from his face, his expression serious. "So many things have changed, Steve. This… this is something I don't want to be changed between us." 

Steve grabbed the keys without another word, slid into the driver's seat and started the engine. "Come on," he grinned at Danny. "We're gonna be late for work!"

Steve had joined Five-0 a week ago, resuming his job as Head of the task force. He had wanted Danny to stay Head, but Danny had declined and answered that he had only manned the post until Steve was back.

So, Steve had moved into Lou's old bullpen. Tani had been willing to give up Steve's office, but he had just shaken his head. "I have a feeling you'll need it for quite a while," he said and smiled at Natano who was currently trying to haul himself to his own feet, using Steve's pants for support. Steve also saw how much the subtle changes in the team's dynamic thanks to Danny's considered thinking had improved their performance. So, why should he change it back into his benevolent dictatorship when everything ran so smoothly? It also took a load off his shoulders. Steve had always known what his team, what the single persons were able to achieve, and seeing it now filled him with pride. 

Steve parked the Camaro in her old spot on the parking lot in front of the Iolani Palace. They entered through the wide glass doors of the Five-0 headquarters. The rest of the team was already at work; some gathered around the Tech Table, Lincoln standing in front of the gun locker, clearly looking for the right weapons for the upcoming chase. Danny just smiled when Steve looked at him. "Yeah, babe. They still need us; they always will. You started a great thing, and we've helped a lot of people on the islands, but the old days where it's just us Four Horsemen are over. The kids are doing just fine… and who knows." A mischief gleam appeared in Danny's bright blue eyes. "Maybe Tani will be Head of Five-0 one day." 

Steve gulped visibly, clearly remembering his first words to Danny a year ago just as well as the other man did. "So," Steve said with a husky voice and cleared his throat. "Does that mean you think your dreams are coming true?" 

Danny shrugged and took a deep breath. "Maybe." 

Steve grasped Danny by the wrist and towed him into his bullpen. "You also told me you saw us sitting at my beach, as old farts… but for that to happen, you have to, uh, you have to…" His voice trailed off, but Danny didn't make it easy on him, he simply returned the gaze with put-on innocence. 

"I have to what, Steven?"

"You have to move in with me, Danno." 

Silence. And just when Steve thought he'd overstepped an invisible border, Danny nodded slowly. "Yeah, babe. But I need you to rephrase that, please." 

Steve hesitated, then understood.

_On our terms._

"Danno. Would you move in with me?"

"Yes, Steve. I'd like to."

  
  


***

"Unpacking will be a bitch," Steve muttered as he stared at the high stack of cardboard boxes that currently sat in his living room. Ah, well, in _every_ room of his house, actually. Moving Danny's household into his house had taken up the better part of one week, even with the help of their friends, but now Danny's house was empty and thanks to Quinn, Tani, and Grace clean enough to hand it back to the landlord. Danny had insisted on helping with the cleaning, but the women had shooed him out. _There are just some things equality doesn't equal_ , Quinn had declared with that scaring military tone in her voice she still could muster. 

"Mhm?" Danny had stepped up to Steve and put an arm around his waist. 

"I was just thinking where we're gonna put all your stuff," Steve smiled down at him.

"Oh, I'll find a space for everything." Danny grinned and pinched Steve into his side. Steve yelped. "But not now, babe." He pulled Steve closer, and marveled in the fact how good their height difference made them fit. Steve lowered his head and kissed Danny. 

"Mhmm, yeah, I can think of better stuff to do." 

Danny snorted against Steve's lips, then bit him teasingly. "You really need shaping up your dirty talk, babe. That way, it's not erotic at all!" He licked over the bitten spot and felt how Steve engulfed him with his long arms. 

"Shut up, Daniel." Steve kissed Danny again. It didn't take long for the kiss to become heated, frantic, needing. They stumbled upstairs, limbs entangled, unwilling to waste another minute. So far, there had been kisses, touches, late-night swims, but nothing more. Danny had insisted on this. _We've been dancing around each other for ten years, Steve. So what's another day, another week, or even year? I want all-in, this time. No regrets, no haste. I want you to be sure it's the right thing to do, just as I need to be sure._

Steve kicked the door to his, no, _their_ , bedroom open with his foot and pulled Danny with him, who along the way had lost his shirt to Steve's deft fingers. Danny's own had clumsily fought with Steve's fly, finally succeeded to open it. 

Danny stepped back until his calves hit Steve's bed. He sank down, Steve still clinging to his lips, the weight of the other man pushing him down to his back. Steve's fingers made a short shrift with Danny's pants; and when he lay there naked in front of Steve, Danny felt how he blushed when Steve eased away a bit to just look at him. 

"This," Steve said, voice husky from kisses and lust. "This is all I ever wanted."

Danny's soul melted, and he pulled Steve in again.

  
  


***

  
  


It was still early in the morning, the sun barely peeking through the window, when Danny awoke. He was lying on his back, Steve's head a pleasant heaviness on his chest. One of Steve’s arms was thrown over Danny's waist, as if he wanted to make sure Danny couldn't slip away while he was asleep.

Danny smiled, drawing lazy circles on Steve's naked shoulder. "This may sound sappy now, Steve," he whispered and placed a light kiss on Steve's hair, noting the grey strands there for the first time. "But if this was a movie, this would be the Happy End scene." 

Warm breath caressed the skin on his chest, tickled in the golden curls there. "Sappy yes, very much so, Danno." Steve murmured, then shifted his head so he could see into his lover's eyes. "I should've known sex makes you mellow. Would've spared both of us a lot of trouble." 

Danny slapped Steve's shoulder playfully. "Hey, who allowed you to eavesdrop, huh?" 

Steve shifted again, sliding higher in bed until his nose was pressed against Danny's stubbly cheek. He pulled in a deep breath, as if he wanted to memorize Danny's scent. "You. By moving in, by sleeping in the same bed with me. By sleeping _with_ me." He kissed the cheek, then Danny's lips when Danny turned his head. "And I don't feel like this is an ending, Danno. To me, this feels like the beginning." 

  
  


_… you wiped away my tears_

_whispered the promise of a thousand years…_

  
  



End file.
